she may not be here.

Yes. I failed again, no doubt about it.

I don't understand why I learn Additional Mathematics. It's not like I'm ever going to remember differentiation, logarithms and quadratic formulas once I'm out of school. Heck, I'll probably BURN all my exercise books and notebooks once I leave.

What's the point in me learning all this when I'm not really learning anything. I just don't see understand it because I'm never going to use any of these formulas in the real world.

Whoever created add math, made it for teens to suffer.

Other exams went swiftly, Bahasa Malaysia was tricky. English was a job completed with one hand tied behind my back. A cause for many grammatical errors, I'm sure. Doesn't mean an A1 is out of reach.

Oh I watched Kisah Gadis at KLPac. Tapai's acting was so good, and it cracked me up! I always marvel at comedies, because for me myself personally, I think that comedy is a very hard topic to write about. But thats just me. I lack the humor gene.

The highlight of the show - Tapai broke a plank of wood. I quite liked that plank of wood. Before they broke it into pieces that is.

May go to watch it again this weekend. Jun Yee needs company =)

On an emo note, I would like to add that personal inner conflicts have managed to distract me from my OMG hype and exams. Sometimes, I wished I could be invisible to certain people. And at the same time, I wished a handful of other people would notice me more. Or to just disappear altogether.

*Maths exam tomorrow, then its a holiday till next Thursday. I can hear Hallelujah playing in the background.

Biolo. . . . .GEE!

First day of exams. One of the reasons it was weird was because my biology paper went way smoother than my physics paper. Its usually the other way around. And no, its not because I 'studied harder for bio' this time. But seriously. . . . . . . . .bio was so effing easy!!

I'm not complaining (maybe I am?) but it got a little frustrating. My bio teacher, Miss Shaza gave us tips on what may come out, and it came out like bulat-bulat! For section A, which holds about two-thirds the mark for the whole paper3, about 5 of the questions had the same answer. I swear, I felt it was such a waste of time. I was writing almost the same explanation again and again and again!

Okay, so maybe I won't get full marks because of two or three questions, but it was still real easy. And for a person who studied only 45 minutes before the exam to say that, you can tell how low the degree of difficulty was. Miss Shaza should have challenged us a teeny weeny bit with an extra experiment in the section A at least. Because the essay section was even easier.

Now then, for physics. I think the essay (section B) was surprisingly easier than section A. Then again, I can't really remember the section A questions right now. I remember something about real and apparent depth I think. But the rest is blank.

Anyhoo, considering the circumstances, I think I did OK. Too bad no one else will see it that way. lol.

Oh and I have to declare something I'm VERY proud of:
I actually completed my Chemistry PEKA!!! Yes!!! Sure I stayed back an hour to copy the right answers, but heck, I still completed it. Now, if only I was diligent enough to do the same for my physics and bio PEKAs. . .

*OMG update - My part in the script still hasn't been written. But it's OK, in the mean time, I can learn so much from Suki. Oh she's so amazing. I regret not catching her in Sybil. And of course Mark, Tapai, Xavier, Farah and Nita are being great help too. Nita bought capati for me yesterday tau! lol
thats how much of a family we really are =)

OMG

Yeah, that's the title, don't wear it out.

Isn't it such a coincidence that the title of the play I'm in is in fact one of my favorite lines ever?
If you ever met me, you would know I use the line 'oh my God' on a regular basis, except on school days, for school is a very dull place. I only remember one recent omg situation in school:
they found a snake in the sports store room and it almost bit a teacher.

And I saw it all close up!! It was like, omg...

Anyways, back to my debut performance. OMG will be showing somewhere in December at KLPac. And I still haven't written my bio for it yet. Well, I have, i just haven't mailed it to my director yet, even though Johann has proofread it for errors and what not... I think I'll probably send my bio in right after I cover this post.

I have been a bit worried about my rehearsal schedules though. Monday, 4.00 pm then Thursday, 4.00 pm and Saturday, 11.00 am. This Thursday is a bit stressing because after our official rehearsal ends at 8, we've got to stay back for a course till about 9.30.

Oh I don't really mind staying for 5hours plus, but I have exams the next day. And yes, my beloved school has decided that the Physics and Biology paper 3 exams will kick off the timetable.

Hopefully I can still scrape through the exams, giving my dad no reason to stop my KLPac trips and all. I'm already partially grounded, so I better do well in these finals if I still want what's left of my freedom.

*I've already bought a birthday present for Tarrant. It's in wrapping that costs more than the present itself! And no, I did not buy him a gift from Petaling Street ok. Think more along the lines of KLCC. He better appreciate it.

i forgot

oh one more thing that ticks me off:

those people who write backstabbers under their
"who i want to meet" section in their social network profiles.
like what the hell?
does ANYONE want to meet a backstabber?

use those noodle like things in your head please.
or if you haven't upgraded to those yet,
give the hamster an exercise on that treadmill up there will you.

Pet Peeves

its time for me to complain and let off some steam.
needless to say, i have not been in the best of moods
eventhough i have plenty reasons to rejoice.

here's a list of 20 things that have ticked me off recently.
bon appetite.

1. the weather.
2. the excuses people make instead of just saying they don't really give a hoot.
   
3. the game that took away my flying ability.
   
4. due experiment reports.
   
5. whiny stepsisters.
6. people who insist on throwing their rubbish out the car window.
   
7. long-winded answers.
8. body heat (not the good kind). the kind that makes you feel as if your eyes are on fire.
   
9. the retardedness of people who don't dare throw their shoe boxes into the big dumpster because "it's stinky".
10. people who use a faulty public phone and walk away without bothering to tell the person queuing behind them that it's out of order.
11. the flu. the cold. the headaches.
    
12. people who say "my homies"
    
13. sympathy when it's completely unwarranted.
14. teachers who pretend like they really read your essay and have the audacity to comment about it.
    
15. the school's nasi lemak.
16. the school's fried chicken.
17. the school rule that i'm not allowed to wear a sweater (even on a freezing day like this one) unless i'm really ill.
18. stupid poems that you find in revision books.
19. survey answers that don't make any sense.
20. people who pretend to be self-important to get rid of guilt.

i could go on and elaborate in detail on my frustrating experiences but i'm unwell which is kind of making my brain function a little slower. my brain has been malfunctioning all day long.
let's hope that it will be restored to its full potential as soon as possible. promise to update and write a better entry once i'm back to my normal self. toodles.

FYI: i've got an audition like interview to attend on Thursday at KLPac. pray for the best!

End Of Raya Holidays

well my one week freedom on the internet is about to come to an end. starting tomorrow, there will be energy to recharge and homework to do. but of course my homework always ends up in a pile by my dressing table.

my point is, my free reign over the laptop shall be controlled to probably about 2hours a day since finals are coming up and i haven't started revising. i usually get away with the last minute studying but maybe i won't be so lucky this time. either way, i'll be disappointed with my results, whether they turn up A's or E's.

oh funny thing i heard today. i've been regretting not going to Aunt Fatimah's house and indulging in all the delicious food she undoubtedly prepared for her swarm of Raya visitors. i found out from my cousin however that this time instead of going home completely sated, he went home with a very bad case of food poisoning. lol

one of the first times i'm glad i missed Aunt Fatimah's killer rendang.

anyway, off to bed now.
wouldn't want to wake up late tomorrow now would we. . . .

Why I Don't Celebrate Mothers Day

The words sounded hollow, stripped of meaning and sincerity. The usual compassion and joy commonly associated with those words were absent as they left my lips. Usually, when someone says those words to a family member they have not seen in months, they feel relief and a sense of longing. But for me, saying those words left me feeling awkward and hurt. It was not what I had expected it to be like. She said “I love you too”, and hung up.

For six whole years I had struggled to come to terms with my mom’s betrayal, her departure. She had left home when my younger brother Kenny was barely 3 years old, leaving my dad to take care of me, Kenny and my then 14year old brother Nick. Even worse, she had left not only taking away my dad’s heart, but also his pride; she had left to start a new life with a man she had met while dad was working in the US. The months after she had left had been very hard on my dad. I remember my aunt and uncle playing a very vital role in taking care of all us during those times.

Consequently, my dad disapproved of her meeting up with my brothers and me. Yet for the first two years, she had made regular visits to see us. But after that, the only contact we had with her was when she brought us birthday or Christmas gifts, and when she called up to talk to us. Nick and I would make conversations with her very brief, while my younger brother would be more optimistic. Always she would ask me about my health, my school; the sorts of things mothers ask their daughters. I tried always to talk to her as if nothing had happened, almost make-believing that she had never left us, but simply worked far away. However, I always ended up giving her one word answers and awkward pauses.

Recent experiences had led me to believe that there was a way to completely forgive her; all it required from me was an open mind and will to forgive. I tried my best to ignore the scars I felt etched in my memory and replace them with the good things she’d done and all the sacrifices she had made for us. But always the negatives seemed to weigh more than the positives. When I think back, she was very little of a mother to me or my brothers. While my dad was still overseas, the three of us had been left at home to take care amongst ourselves while she rendezvoused with her ‘buddy’. Nicky and I would have to take turns skipping school to take care of Kenny during those periods when she wouldn’t be home for days.

I thought that returning her ‘I love you’ today would prove to me that I do in fact still love my mother, no matter what my common sense screamed at me. But all it had done was make this world seem like an even darker place. I know that she does love me and my siblings and for that I am grateful. I wish there was a way for me to return that feeling. If there’s one lesson that I’ve learned from this phone call it is that there’s more to saying “I love you” than just wanting to mean it.

The Invasion

yes after haunting many of the popular online social networks, i have made my way to the world of blogging, somewhat halfheartedly.

now why am i blogging in the first place? well, Joey wanted someone to join blogspot with her. she said she wouldn't create a blog if i didn't do so as well. so, burdened with my position as best friend i just had to comply. yes, friendship can be a real pain sometimes. i curse Tarrant for influencing me. Him and his willingness to help everyone.

anyway, I'm off to alert my alien friends of my blogspot invasion.
do check in whenever u feel the urge to read complete nonsense.
toodles.