I am a complicated person.

I wish I wasn't a jealous person. I wish I was one of those people who are so self assured, so confident and trusting, that they would not get jealous. They believe in themselves and they know there is no reason for jealousy, because they know where they belong.

It's just… sometimes, I read things. Or see things. And immediately my mind starts conjuring up memories that are not mine. Possible memories that belong to a time when you didn't know me, to a time when she was your world.

And I have to say this because it's just going to eat me up from inside if I don't; it bothers me slightly that we're in a relationship but there are these comments by other girls (some exes, too) on your profile.

It's not all the comments though. These are the comments that are suggestive. Comments from a time when you were in a relationship with her. Comments from a time when you were single and flirting was fine.

It's your past, I get it, there's no way I can deny you that.

But the notion that other people may be reading these comments with the knowledge that you're in a relationship with me… I don't know. It upsets me. I know this relationship is ours and I shouldn't care what people assume, but I feel.. it makes me feel embarrassed.

And when I think about it, I can't help but get slightly teary-eyed.

Ugh. Stupid, stupid Belinda.

The number one.

I don't want to be here. Right now, I would kill to be elsewhere.

There's so much sense of community here. So much warmth.

I just want to mope. I want to be alone with my depression and nurse it till it is satisfied. That's what I need.

I'd also like to bawl my eyes out but I don't want people to start consoling me. It only makes it worse.

Well,

I want you to console me. No, not console me. I want you to just be around me. I want to be around you. Because, believe it or not, sometimes the things you say make sense and resonate with me. But these are the simple things, not the preachy things. Sometimes, your words help move my own depression along.