You get what you need.

"Bottom line, couples that are truly right for each other wade through the same crap as everybody else but the big difference is they don't let it take them down. One of those two people will stand up and fight for that relationship every time. If it's right and they're real lucky, one of them will say something." – Dr Cox

Scrubs, the TV show of life lessons. I cried once or twice or a few times. Comedic characters always have the saddest stories to tell. What was it? Comedy is humor masking pain? Perhaps.

Anyway, I don't know if I agree with everything Dr Cox said. 'truly right for each other' and all that. I'm not sure if I believe a hundred percent in this true love concept. It is a possibility but unlike most people who rejoice at the idea of 'the one', it worries me.

I wrote a very long rant about true love versus hard work just now but I realise after reading it through that it's all beating around the bush and this is actually what I was trying to say;

I'm (partly) terrified that there isn't someone out there who is just right for me. And if that's the case, no amount of work I put into a relationship will make a difference because with true, everlasting love, comes also the notion of true, eternal loneliness.

Long due epiphany

I'm a fool for wanting things with someone who doesn't feel the same way.

I'm a fool for still wanting things with someone who very obviously isn't interested.

I've only ever wanted to be good enough for someone. I would like to be loved as I love. I want a relationship, a something, whatever, that will make me feel worth it. For once, I'd like to feel equally important, equally beautiful and equally lovable.

A life without love is a life not worth living.

ugh.

I hate it when you make a decision, and you know it's the right one, but still you regret it. I hate it when the right decisions are the hardest to make.

I had to make a decision. And this is decision is the best for now. But please, please, please… don't write it off as absolute. And please continue to work and get better. I wouldn't have made this decision if it wasn't in your best interest.

It's hard to accept this change though. I still catch myself in denial at times because I still feel it all. Don't tell me it's unhealthy; I will learn in time.