The Return

Whoa.

I cannot believe my last blog post was close to EIGHT months ago.
Funny how I used to cling to this blog, and yet I had no trouble letting it deteriorate to its current neglected state. People change.

Time to make it up, eh.
Let's first start with an explanation.

In March I auditioned to join KLpac's T4YP ensemble.Thankfully I was accepted and I spent the next 6months-ish doing plays and learning as much as I could about theater. The rehearsal schedule was hectic, an average of 4 times a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. Pretty soon, everything else took a backseat: this blog, sports, extra-curricular societies, etc etc. Don't take this the wrong way though: my stint in T4Yp is something I wouldn't trade, not even for the SPM marking scheme. Well, maybe not for the SPM trials marking scheme.

Anyhoos, now that the season has ended, I have too much spare time on my hands. Not many activities or competitions in school now that SPM is a little less than two weeks away, you see. And so I have decided to restart Life Unplugged. Hopefully, this time I'll stick to the quota of at least two posts a month.

*clears throat*

However. SPM. Two Weeks. And my revision is... well, it's coming along at least.

Under all the stress from cramming like a madwoman recently, in a desperate and futile attempt to make up for my past six months of slacking, I have been asking myself two questions very frequently.

The Questions:

1) Why did I not drop Chemistry?

2) Why did I not find an adept English Lit tutor?

My Answers:

1) I assumed that I'd be able to pick up Chemistry last minute since my Chem marks never dipped lower than my AddMaths marks. (I think if I were to take a test now, my AddMaths score would be double than that of Chem.)

2) I assumed EngLit wouldn't be as difficult as it is. (I'm still not sure if it really is that easy or it really is that hard *shrugs*)

Lesson learnt:

DO NOT ASSUME.

I shouldn't be blogging now, but my mind isn't in the right mode for studying/revising. Many of my friends have been talking about college and further studies. I STILL HAVE NOT MADE UP MY MIND. Performing Arts at Sunway, where my heart will be content or Mass Comm at some private college, which my brain tells me is the best choice. O woe is me!

Now that I've got that off my chest,
I'll be signing off.

Byebye.

For this one.

Hello again.

2somes Fest at KLPac came to an end yesterday.
i’ve met some AMAZING people
and i have met so many different personalities,
that now i think i’m probably an inch closer
to figuring out what really goes into a great production.
Everyone involved has been a teacher to me in some way,
probably not upfront, but still impactful.

I unfortunately however didn’t have the privilege
of really getting to know the cast of The Bench.
i suppose the language barrier wasn’t overcome well enough
(The Bench is a play in Cantonese).
also, i wasn’t really working on that play till about the last minute,
so we didn’t really have anything much to build on.

I think what i can really take away from this experience
as an assistant stage manager is that A LOT of effort
is put into a production that goes unnoticed by the actors and audience.
When acting in Oh My God last year,
i never even thought that my stage manager, Xavier
would be doing half the stuff i’ve had to do this past week.
Apart from setting up the sets for all three plays,
i’ve had to work very closely with the Tech Guys
and the stage managing team
to make sure the plays run smoothly throughout,
i’ve had to work too with front of house,
and of course i’ve had to do A LOT of cleaning up. =/

Even though my brain kind of tells me that
taking up more stage managing gigs is not a bright idea,
i know that i’ll still do it again if i get the chance.

Why?

= because i could use the money. XD
= because i know there’s so much more to learn
= because no matter the presence of attitudes, it still feels awesome meeting new people
= because i have nothing better to do with my spare time, except maybe start a youtube channel… …
= because it is the best feeling when the show goes smoothly and you know you are a ’some sort’ unsung hero and last but not least,
= because i love theater, from whatever angle.

**Thank you to everyone who came to watch and of course the amazing cast and crew! not to mention all the random people who helped, especially those who helped with the Bump Out session yesterday! =) mwahh!

Reunion

as the wind brushes her hair,
she sits there and stares ahead,
unaware of the rain clouds above,
she sits there and she waits.

a week goes by,
and every day it's the same,
by the lake she sits alone,
a picture stuck in its frame.

she gives up after a time,
she stands up and walks away,
she doesn't know where she's going,
but promises she'll be back someday.

Busy Weeeeeeeeek.

hooray for sunburned skin and silver medals!
hooray for 2009 personal high jump records!
boo for friends leaving for aussie!
boo for sucky school drama advisers!
and boo for valentine's day!

okay, i'll start with the good news.
after tirelessly training for 2 hours everyday after school,
we clinched the silver medals on friday at the
the Zone Sentul Netball Competition.
i played Wing Defence (WD) and i think i did OK
considering how the odds are really against me.
in the finals, we roughed it out with SMKBBS.

they won 6-5.
its a sucky scoreline, but at least we can say that
we gave them a hard time and were more than worthy opponents.

i didn't win anything at the Sentul Athletics meet,
but i achieved something i am more than proud of -
i broke my personal best for this year.
and also i was not out of the competition after the first two jumps,
which is amazing since it was my first time playing at zone level.

Tarrant is now in aussssssssssie.
asshole didn't even call to say goodbye,
I had to do it. he's such a bitch sometimes.
damned diva.

darling Miss Teacher Adviser for my school's drama team
is sooooo hopelessly unreliable.
she FORCES me into preparing this year's script ASAP,
i get it done, and she doesn't even bother to look at it.
she's had the damned thing for a fortnight, and the script
is barely 8pages long. how hard can it be to proofread it?

not only that, but she totally fucked up auditions.
she could have had it on tuesday, but no.
she wanted to have it on saturday.
today. after replacement classes.
like, what the hell?
who would come for shit on a saturday, after 5 hours of school?
even more so on a saturday that just happened to be Valentine's Day.

And there's the last chapter of my sucky week so far.

As is ritual, i happened to be too busy for valentine's.
with competitions the whole week through,
i woke up this morning exhausted as hell,
completely unaware that it was 14 February.
when i finally realized what date it was, i completely shut down.
not only was (and is) my skin sunburned as hell from sports,
but my classmates' persistent questions about who i was
involved with now just frustrated me even more.

we had an oral english exam where i was
completely cheesed out by my friends' presentation.
the theme of their little text- "What is Love?"
i swear at that moment i could have strangled them.

it wasn't being dateless that pushed my buttons,
it was the fact that nobody had even asked me out, as a friend.
everyone was too busy with their own dates i suppose.
still, it sucked that no one thought that after pushing myself
for the whole fucking week, that i would have appreciated
just a little company on this very lonesome date.

i hate valentine's day.
it is by far the worst chapter of my week.

the only thing i loved about this week
was that one surprising moment by the most
unexpected person...
it was the only thing that had really made me smile.

The Way It Is.

I don't usually hate.
i don't usually have unbearable animosity for anyone.
but this one girl. ugh.

every single time i log on a 'certain social networking client',
i see her status updates or activities and i proceed to her profile.
the reason i do this is always the same:
to see if she has finally gained some level of respect for herself.
every time i am sorely disappointed.

she parades her body on this network in skimpy, trashy outfits.
when i say skimpy i mean, really skimpy.
think undies and tube bra ish outfits (maybe a tad exaggerated) .
full body length shots, mind you. or if its not that,
she's probably lying on her bed in a tank top
and taking pictures which deliberately stress on
her face and importantly, cleavage.
but i have seen her size in real life, and believe me,
she is not that well-endowed.

anyhoo, she has been taking these provocative pictures
since she was about 15.

if you think these lewd pictures are her limit, you are wrong.
at the ripe age of 15 the last thing she should be doing
is broadcasting herself as a sort of "play thing".
however, in her About Me section of her profile she beckons
guys to "message me if you like what you see".

now THAT is what gets me the most.
everytime i read that sentence, i go berserk.
i know i am no angel either, but this "girl" is
completely on another level.
i just think it is so wrong. i guess this is the
price of the materialistic world.

we all know women (and quite a number of men too)
like to camwhore. i think that's no big deal as long as
you have your borderline set right.
i will continue checking her profile and praying that
she will realise what she's doing to herself.

perhaps it is not hate which i feel.
perhaps it is sympathy. or some feeling of
obligation towards this girl.

i really worries me that once upon a
time not too long ago i almost went down the same path.
i used to be engrossed in getting attention.
pretty pictures everywhere on my profile.
never provocatively dressed, but still.
i used my looks for the wrong reasons. however,
i am proud to say that the pressure of the materialistic
world has become something i no longer fuss about.
i am happy that i have found myself and i have realised
that i have so much more to offer than the physical things.

perhaps i feel an obligation towards her because
i need a reason to believe that i have fully changed.
perhaps i am disgusted that i used to be on the same path,
less demeaning but equally revolting, hence her realisation
will prove to myself that there was never a chance that i
would end up like her. that i never went cheap.

anyhoos, i pray that she will recover from this phase.
i'd hate to think that the future generation of women
will be largely made up of young women with little self-respect.
i hope this will not become a pandemic.

M.I.A.

i have been away for much too long.
it seems harder for me to put my thoughts
on paper, or in this case on the laptop screen.
just so much has happened since OH MY GOD wrapped.

belated Xmas and New Year greetings to everyone!
my internet was very the cacat over the past weeks,
resulting in my absence in cyberworld which is my means
of communicating and spamming with everyone.
And also a very heartfelt thanks to all the people
who came for OMG and those who smsed wishes.
sorry for not replying but as you all know
my handphone is currently in my dad's control.

School has definitely dampened the hype i had through december,
but i've made a new years resolution which i know i shall fail to keep:

TO COMPLETE ALL MY HOMEWORK, ESPECIALLY BAHASA MALAYSIA,
CHEMISTRY, BIOLOGY, HISTORY, PHYSICS, ENGLISH AND MATHS.

that's a long list of subjects that weren't taken seriously last year,
homework wise at least.
i never see the point in doing notes. i just don't get it.
and i don't see the point in my compiling exercises neatly
in books and files. i prefer
doing it all in my head, though i know it is not half as effective.
but it has not failed me yet.

even through the first week of school,
i've managed to "forget" to do maths homework.
i am truly talented in the field of forgetting
or pretendung to forget.

but yes my resolution is to terminate that habit.
its a very very long shot.

i'll be stopping by KLPac on he 18th for the open day.
i probably will just lepak around and reminisce.
nostalgia and i are bestfriends.

Oh My God! opens tonight.

Oh my god.
tonight. tonight. tonight. TONIGHT.

i can't believe that after so long
the time is finally here. the stage.
i've been waiting for tonight for a long time,
but now that it's finally here,
i'm really afraid.

i remember watching my first play, Ubu Roi,
when i was about 10years old.
my then drama teacher Jerrica Lai was acting in it.
though i didn't really understand much of the play
'cause it was very mature,
i remember being so amazed by what i saw.
the play was like a perfectly oiled machine.
the energy that every one character brought to the play
was in sync and brought the whole scene to life.
honestly, it was amazing to me how those people on stage
could compliment one another so fittingly.

and just sitting there, i felt like each character
was telling me a personal story.
like they were talking to me and ME alone.
that's the way a play should be i guess.
it should make the audience feel like they're part of it.

since then, i've wanted to be on stage.
a REAL stage. not the ones we have in school.
i always thought that with my background,
that type of thrill would be beyond my reach.
but here i am, less than 12hours away.
its not what i imagined. that i'd be chilly all over.
but i am still afraid. afraid that this will be my only chance.
after Oh My God! comes to an end this Sunday,
there won't be anymore lines for me to learn.

i'll be back to who i was before all this.
on my own, just hoping and praying that
i'll get another chance.

i'm going to miss the stage
and the people on, behind and around it
very, very much.

The Unsexy

** Below is a CRAZY poem Aze and I made up during some boring subjects in school.
She posted it on her blog so i decided to do the same. its nice to reminisce.

THE UNSEXY

It was getting very late,

He walked me to his gate;

His tie was out of date,

He whispered "Let's Mate";

I knew i should have opted to masturbate.

-

We inched into the closet like room,

He was marinated in cheap perfume;

He Leaned in for my lips, but kissed the broom,

Then he said, my ears were like the moon.

-

I felt like such a useless goon,

His back was hairy like a baboon,

I wished i could hit Zoom..

But, he promised he'd get a hard on soon.

-

He Haphazardly peeled off my lace,

i saw all the acne on his face;

I wished his fingers were at the right place;

they seemed to be moving at a petty pace.

-

He struggled to unhook my bra,

he pulled out a condom from a yellow jar;

For some reason, he was calling me Sacha..

It was too late to run back to the car,

why did he have to park so fucking far?

i wanted to hit him with a steel crowbar;

I noticed his tattoo said "Made in India"

-

Something smelled of rotten cheese,

i realised it was the wind he release;

i was asking God to, "Take me now, please!"

He thought i was talking to him and said-

"get down on your knees".

** I should have warned that it was rather VULGAR huh.

Time

one week. ONE WEEK.
that's all i have to hold onto.
its traumatizing to think of it.
damn, its just one week!!!
can't i have a little more time?
exclusion will come with the end of
my short and sweet stint.
i'll no longer be. . . . well, there.

one week.
the posters will come down
and the props will be returned.
and i'll be on my way.
like the belongings of a corpse.
the hospital holds em for awhile,
just enough for them to do their job.
and then back to the deceased's family.
the family grieves then keeps them aside
and never looks at them again...
and then their forgotten.

i feel the need to say so much more
and expel even more of what i'm really feeling
but i can't form the right words.
its like my brain is clogged up.
nothing seems to come out without force.
verbal constipation i suppose.

*insert transition material here*

me and "miss becok" (refer to my earlier post)
have not had a talk yet.
i'm non-confrontational most of the time you see.
that's a fancy sentence for me being a coward
and not having the guts to tell her how p*ssed i am.

she's still coming to watch my play next week.
she presumes that i don't know of her treachery.
maybe i won't tell her at all.
one day she'll read this blog entry and realise.
THEN i'll pour all the feelings out.
but for now, i can pretend, i can be patient.
after all, i owe her a lot and at least the benefit of the doubt.

*insert transition material here*

bloody hell, i'm full!!
after that feast at the TumTum place @ Caltex,
i swear i felt my tummy and brain get considerably heavier.

'Cause it seems that after each of these trips
i'm left with a million things to think of.
it makes my life that much dizzy-fying.
but it might be a good thing.
a laxative to unclog my system.

just one week.

Screwed Over

Naturally, most people would see the phrase
"you're one of the few people i trust enough to confide in"
as another way of someone saying
"i trust that you won't blab this to anyone else".

and by anyone, i mean ANYONE.
whether its your best mate, sister, or even your mother.
you do NOT utter even a silent syllable.

the best friend rule:
never EVER expose the other's secret.

unfortunately some people don't get this.
they think that confiding in someone
who is COMPLETELY unrelated, like their MOM,
is acceptable for the very reason that she
wouldn't go around broadcasting it anyway.

*buzzer* WRONG!

recently i got into a huge shouting match with my beloved aunt.
why? because she said she heard something from my besties' MOM.
part of what my aunt heard was true, but most of it was bullsh*t.
and of course when i tried to tell her that it was bullsh*t, she didn't believe me.

now i got upset, obviously.
one, cos my bestie could actually betray my trust just like that.
two, cos i don't know whether she made up the extra bits or her mom misheard.
and three, cos i don't know how many other times she's gone behind my back.

the third reason is probably the worst.
that's what made my tears and fury uncontrollable.
best friends wouldn't do such things.
i'm not saying i'm the perfect pal,
but i can PROMISE you that i never betrayed her that way.
it just really sucks because i really have never trusted anyone more than her,
no matter how cliche that sounds.

i won't ever be able to mention her name in front of my family
without feeling shame and rage boil through my system.

now i know how dangerous trust can be.