Nobody Said It’d Be Easy.

It’s not that I don't want to;

Time just trickles down too slowly

And I cannot wait for you

To find yourself.

The race is on the way

And I am left behind

Scouring the remnants,

Compiling the ashes,

Salvaging what’s left of you and I.

When truth be told,

There is nothing.

Feeding off your indecision,

devouring your half-promises

and half-hearted kisses,

I fall and take second place.

And as you creep up from behind

And make your victory lap,

I struggle to look ahead.

No, I’m not emo…

I just need to vent.

OUCH.

You never come for my plays. Fine.

You don’t even pretend to be interested about what I do in theater. Fine.

You force me to drop the idea of pursuing theater as a career. Fine.

But Dad you cannot stop me from doing what I love.

It’s no biggy if you need to send Kenny to football and tuition and pick him up too. But picking me up from college once or twice a week for just one month is an issue. Just because I’m doing this as a volunteer and I’m not getting paid. Just because its “a waste of time”.

Fuck that.

You PAY for Kenny’s football and tuition.

You DON’T PAY for my theater.

So why can’t you for once support me?

I am finally doing something WORTHWHILE for myself and you can’t even pretend to be happy for me.

What the fuck, Dad.

I don’t know what I’m supposed to do anymore. What, you want me to quit? Is that what you fucking want? I can’t just stop, just like you can’t seem to put down that box of cigarettes.

I don’t know anymore. Really. What hurts the most is that you don’t at all support me, even when you know how much this means to me.

Dad. I’m sorry. But I cannot go through this for the rest of my life. I cannot take all the tension and all the fights.

I can’t keep breaking down like this.

I Need Awesomer Super Powers.

This is going to be a short one. Why? Heh, I don’t know; I just write these things.

I need money, like, badly. Eating out with ze college people is bleeding me dry. I have less than RM20 in my purse now and this cash is supposed to last me till next month. I’m so screwed. Thank gawd IACT is paying me some cash for helping out this Sunday at their open day. Hopefully this means I can still save money to watch Adam The Musical with Kate this 23rd of May.

Oh and I am now a member of LOEM:

THE LEGION OF EXTRAORDINARY MEGAPIXELS.

No, it isn’t some photography club. We’re an awesomely lame troop of superheroes. LOEM is like our gang name. Our members are:

Leica Man (Leo), Nikon Woman (Kate), Lady Lumix (Fatima), Olympus Dude (Fido), Canon Guy (Sam) and Cybershot Babe (me)!

I told you this was going to be a short post.

MAY THE MEGAPIXELS BE WITH YOU!

James Dean: “To grasp the full significance of life is the actor's duty; to interpret it his problem; and to express it his dedication.”

I Know I Kick Ass.

I’m still alive after 3 weeks of IACT. That’s quite a feat seeing how commuting from Sentul to PJ and back takes up about 3 hours of my day and jangles my nerves quite a bit. I must have underestimated my patience and tolerance for long bus rides and smelly passengers.

Also, I haven’t yet submitted in a task past its deadline. I’m sure my high school teachers will not believe this if they were to stumble across my blog now and read this post. I’ve dropped my “I’m Belinda and I don’t do homework” attitude. I believe I might actually be turning into a nerd. I say this ‘cause people actually ask ME about homework now and what exactly has to be done. I’m used to being the one asking all the questions. I hate this role reversal. There is just too much pressure.

I think college is going to really do good for me. Other than the normal shiznits, I think I’m actually going to build up a lot more responsibility. Hmmm. Maybe? That’s a pretty big maybe though. I’m now experiencing that feeling of obligation I’m sure 80% of my friends went through in high school.

NOT NICE.

That’s Jordan’s mantra. You have to say it a certain way or it doesn’t work. He’s my DMC course mate. He has CRS; Can’t Remember Shit Syndrome. And his best friend is Joel, Mister Face Problem and the source for all the lameness that occurs in, out and around classes. Both of ‘em give me loads of reasons to ROFL, LMAO and, of course, LOL.

*They be also in a band called Everway. When they finally get famous, I’m going to sell off their email addresses on eBay*

Then there’s Kate, Miss Indie Music. I hearts her. She introduced me to Meg&Dia. I introduced her to The Hush Sound. We have both since fallen in love. Sylvia likes to drink and party and that’s about the main thing you need to know. She also makes the BEST orgasmic noises at random moments and her voice is so super sexy! Fatima loves Justin Bieber. And for that reason, I shall say nothing more of her, UNLESS SHE AGREES THAT JB SHOULD BE SHOVED DOWN AN ICELANDIC VOLCANO.

Sam is a loner.

There are a bunch of other people I would love to mention in this post, but my brain isn’t functioning right today. I think it’s a side effect from Tokio Hotel’s mediocre concert last night. I would put up pictures, but the concert really wasn’t worth it.

But I still love Bill Kaulitz, so there.

 

 …is he not just such a rock star? *slurp*

Don’t worry though; Tyson Ritter is still my main man! Thanks to Amelia Ong and Nic Hon for providing me with great company.

I NEED TO SLEEP NOW.

Goodnight.

So Nice To See You Again

Yeah, I've had an epiphany:
Setting quotas for myself hasn't and isn't ever going to work.
From now on, I shall blog whenever I feel like it.
So listen up good 'cause my next post will probably be in... ...
a while.
I blame the media.

How is this related to the media you may ask? Let's face it: the main reason this blog is even here is because I (just like many of my blogging comrades) succumbed to the ever rampant disease which is peer pressure. One of your friends gets a blog, joined then by another, and another and before you know it 80% of your Facebook friends have turned into self-proclaimed professional bloggers, boasting about their new layouts and widgets, posting status updates relating to their newest posts on their cyber-diaries and comparing among themselves which website is a better host for their beloved online journals.

And the media just rides off all this hype. All the sudden, they have a whole section of their weekend paper dedicated to the realm of blogging. Now, reading about famous celebrity blogs in the newspapers, receiving links to web portals of socialites who have no qualms about unravelling their daily drama for gossip-hungry readers, it all kinda makes you want to squeeze your way into this social circle of interwoven networks.

And that is EXACTLY what I did, people! So give yourself a clap on the back for contributing to the media's choke hold on today's society.

I'm not proud of falling into this mainstream trend (as you can clearly tell), but at least this blog is doing its job; it is keeping ME (and you, the reader) entertained. And if you aren't enjoying this, well its OK, because I am. Hmmmm. So yes, I blame the MEDIA. If it weren't for its effectiveness at broadcasting trends and making social outcasts like me feel all insignificant, I would not be feeling guilty about letting this blog of mine die a thousand social deaths.

*phewwwwwww*

I feel like I should type out a detailed paragraph about what I've been doing since my last blog post, but I grow weary of flushing my brains out. Wit and eloquence take up a lot of processing power, which my brain currently lacks. After being on a studies hiatus for about 4 months, it seems my brain has lost its usual stamina. Kinda like a sprinter who quits the team to study for his finals and returns four months later, barely able to run three laps.

And college hasn't even gotten into full swing yet. Tomorrow will be my fourth day at IACT, Petaling Jaya. This Diploma in Mass Communication was not my initial choice, but money talks; with a full scholarship shoved right under my nose, how could I say no? Besides, I know my family could do with one less financial burden to cover.

All in all, life is going great for me now. I don't think I've ever been happier. Sure, theater participation is low for now, but I've already booked some backstage work for May/June and I have more time to watch plays instead of being in rehearsals. Its a nice, relaxing change, not having to worry about costume changes but just sitting in the audience watching actors try their best to please moi.

Let's see... How do I end this post? A witty comment? A happy ever after? Some famous quote from some equally famous movie star? A cute riddle? ... I think a goodbye and goodnight should do.

Goodbye and goodnight.

Sloth

Evidently I didn’t stick to my self-set quota for blog posts per month. I’m such a hypocrite. No, actually I might just be a commitment-phobe. Not to anything else, just this blog. But ultimately I think I’ve just become extremely lazy.

OH AND BY THE WAY, HELLO FREEDOM! Me and the other babies of 1992 are finally done with secondary school and its such a relief. SPM is now a thing of the past for me, yippee. But I can’t wait till I turn 18, I think that’s the only concrete way for me to rid myself of the high school pressure. Right, now I still feel kind of trapped but hopefully it will pass soon. I’m sure that college will flush it out of me.

There’s a snag if I’ve ever seen one. My SPM results will be coming out somewhere in March. I should by now, have come up with a rough list of courses and colleges I’m interested in. Well, guess what; I haven’t. The closest I’ve gone to even registering for a course is visiting the booths at December’s Education Fair in MidValley. That and paying a visit to both Taylor’s and Sunway College’s campuses. Really, that’s as good as it gets.

I feel major bummed. Some of my school mates have already started college and all and I’m… doing nothing of worth.

Except of course rehearsing for Bernarda Alba! (Can you smell the shameless publicity people?)

Synopsis: Bernarda Alba tells the tale of a powerful matriarch who imposes a strict rule on her household following her second husband's funeral: "Not a breath of outside  air is going to enter this house. It's going to feel like we've bricked up the doors and  windows," she proclaims.
Bernarda's five daughters, however, struggle with her cold wishes. The girls' dream and desires challenge their mother's harsh rules and the outside world begins to slowly permeate their isolated existence.

26Feb10 – 07Mar10

Pentas 2, KL Performing Arts Centre (KLpac)

RM48 for Adults, RM38 for Senior Citizens, RM28 for students and the disabled.

For you people with Facebook, do join our Facebook Event Page. We’ve got full details and pretty pretty shots from our publicity photoshoot. So check it out at:

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/event.php?eid=235846122777&ref=ts

Awesomeness. See ya’ll there!

MukaBuku

4 down, 7 more exams to go.

Even though I’ve been busy trying to catch my breath with SPM going on, I still found time yesterday to watch my T4YP lovelies perform “MukaBuku” for the Lab 2009 installment. It was so worth the wasted revision time.

MukaBuku is a production consisting of 6 AWESOME plays which all have some connect or other to Facebook. And I LOVED IT!

I won’t spoil the fun for the rest of you who haven’t caught MukaBuku yet ‘cause you should all really just watch it! All I’ll say is that Mark’s first piece really affected me. That monologue was just so painful. Kudos to Ivan for pulling it off. I’m so proud of my ‘son’, Jit for designing half the lighting for the show.

I’m really happy I got to watch Ivan and Ujval in action ‘cause this was the first time I saw them act. And now I know what it feels like to watch a T4YP production, you know? …well of course, you don’t.

Okay, Jun Yee’s here so now I’ve got to get down to Add Math. I’m just counting down the days to my freedom. TOODLES.

Good Enough

And I thought I'd be able to contain the emo-ness till AFTER SPM.
Here it goes.

I don't feel the same way I did at the start of the year. I've been changing and though I know I've changed for the better, there's something that's just nagging at me, like something pulling on my shirt trying to make me turn around.

I went out with family today and I usually enjoy seeing my cousins, catching up. But I just couldn't help feeling alien around them. Even now as I'm typing, they are upstairs playing computer games with my brothers... and I'm down here being anti-social. It hasn't been that long since we last met up, but I felt a real gap today, so much so that when we went to the bowling alley, I told them to go ahead and instead I went windowshopping with my aunt in OU.

I NEVER willingly spend time alone with my aunt because things between us haven't been good since a few years back and the fact that I chose her over my cousins, whom I love despite their wackiness, really doesn't make any sense.

I think perhaps this is my conscience telling me to stop pushing people away. Have I really been neglecting those close to me? I don't know. Have I been neglecting friends and family in light of my recent growth? Probably. Right now, 3 days before SPM, nothing seems to be going the right way. I feel like I might be making all the wrong decisions.

and fuck all this for just becoming clear to me now at the eleventh hour.

Of one thing I am certain: not many people think I'm capable of making the right choice, and at this point I can't help but agree with them.

you have to wipe away those tears if you plan on making 'em proud.

The Return

Whoa.

I cannot believe my last blog post was close to EIGHT months ago.
Funny how I used to cling to this blog, and yet I had no trouble letting it deteriorate to its current neglected state. People change.

Time to make it up, eh.
Let's first start with an explanation.

In March I auditioned to join KLpac's T4YP ensemble.Thankfully I was accepted and I spent the next 6months-ish doing plays and learning as much as I could about theater. The rehearsal schedule was hectic, an average of 4 times a week, sometimes more, sometimes less. Pretty soon, everything else took a backseat: this blog, sports, extra-curricular societies, etc etc. Don't take this the wrong way though: my stint in T4Yp is something I wouldn't trade, not even for the SPM marking scheme. Well, maybe not for the SPM trials marking scheme.

Anyhoos, now that the season has ended, I have too much spare time on my hands. Not many activities or competitions in school now that SPM is a little less than two weeks away, you see. And so I have decided to restart Life Unplugged. Hopefully, this time I'll stick to the quota of at least two posts a month.

*clears throat*

However. SPM. Two Weeks. And my revision is... well, it's coming along at least.

Under all the stress from cramming like a madwoman recently, in a desperate and futile attempt to make up for my past six months of slacking, I have been asking myself two questions very frequently.

The Questions:

1) Why did I not drop Chemistry?

2) Why did I not find an adept English Lit tutor?

My Answers:

1) I assumed that I'd be able to pick up Chemistry last minute since my Chem marks never dipped lower than my AddMaths marks. (I think if I were to take a test now, my AddMaths score would be double than that of Chem.)

2) I assumed EngLit wouldn't be as difficult as it is. (I'm still not sure if it really is that easy or it really is that hard *shrugs*)

Lesson learnt:

DO NOT ASSUME.

I shouldn't be blogging now, but my mind isn't in the right mode for studying/revising. Many of my friends have been talking about college and further studies. I STILL HAVE NOT MADE UP MY MIND. Performing Arts at Sunway, where my heart will be content or Mass Comm at some private college, which my brain tells me is the best choice. O woe is me!

Now that I've got that off my chest,
I'll be signing off.

Byebye.

For this one.

Hello again.

2somes Fest at KLPac came to an end yesterday.
i’ve met some AMAZING people
and i have met so many different personalities,
that now i think i’m probably an inch closer
to figuring out what really goes into a great production.
Everyone involved has been a teacher to me in some way,
probably not upfront, but still impactful.

I unfortunately however didn’t have the privilege
of really getting to know the cast of The Bench.
i suppose the language barrier wasn’t overcome well enough
(The Bench is a play in Cantonese).
also, i wasn’t really working on that play till about the last minute,
so we didn’t really have anything much to build on.

I think what i can really take away from this experience
as an assistant stage manager is that A LOT of effort
is put into a production that goes unnoticed by the actors and audience.
When acting in Oh My God last year,
i never even thought that my stage manager, Xavier
would be doing half the stuff i’ve had to do this past week.
Apart from setting up the sets for all three plays,
i’ve had to work very closely with the Tech Guys
and the stage managing team
to make sure the plays run smoothly throughout,
i’ve had to work too with front of house,
and of course i’ve had to do A LOT of cleaning up. =/

Even though my brain kind of tells me that
taking up more stage managing gigs is not a bright idea,
i know that i’ll still do it again if i get the chance.

Why?

= because i could use the money. XD
= because i know there’s so much more to learn
= because no matter the presence of attitudes, it still feels awesome meeting new people
= because i have nothing better to do with my spare time, except maybe start a youtube channel… …
= because it is the best feeling when the show goes smoothly and you know you are a ’some sort’ unsung hero and last but not least,
= because i love theater, from whatever angle.

**Thank you to everyone who came to watch and of course the amazing cast and crew! not to mention all the random people who helped, especially those who helped with the Bump Out session yesterday! =) mwahh!