If you can’t beat the system, get creative.

I was doing the laundry just now and I started wondering what life would be like if our roles were switched. If you know, you were the one pursuing and I was the one not really caring. Okay, not the one not really caring, because you do care. It’s just not in the context I wish you would care for me.

Oh boy don’t I sound greedy D:

Anyway, I was thinking about all that, and it hit me that maybe I’d play the deaf ear, too if I was in your shoes. I don’t know for sure whether you just haven’t caught on yet or whether you already know, but sometimes I think you do. You do, but you choose not to be upfront about it. I get why; we have a good thing between us already so why stir up the one fact that might jeopardise all that and make things mighty awkward? If I were in your shoes, I think I might pretend to not address the signs as well.

I think I’d still be super attracted to you anyway because you amaze me sometimes and there’s this kind of comfort I get from being around you. It’s a warm fuzzy protected sort of comfort. And with you I feel like I can touch the skies and there’s no limit to what I can achieve. You make me feel all positive and you make me want to do my best. Because I know to some extent that it will make you smile, maybe just once in awhile.

Yeah, I don’t think I’m giving up. The spaces are narrowing but I’ll get through or at least I won’t give up. I’m usually so hesitant and confused and I never wait out for something that doesn’t come with some sort of guarantee but you are one thing I certainly have no doubts about. You make me so bloody happy.

 

OH GOD BELINDA YOU ARE SO THE CORNY.
*scrapscrapscrap* *editeditedit*

Sadly, she was melancholic.

GEDDIT?

SADLY, she was MELANCHOLIC.

Look how clever I am, hohohohoho. I mean, she couldn’t have been happily melancholic, right? GEDDIT?!

Well, if you don’t geddit, then puhhh, you suck.
*throws minor hissy fit*

And in other news, Belinda Hon has lost her sanity. 
Oh but wait a minute; my sources tell me this is old news.

OKAY OKAY I’LL STOP BEING SPASTIC. Bah. REALLY.

I’m having a whole day out tomorrow and I won’t be back in my comfy/messy/hazardous bedroom till Friday night. Here are my plans for the next two days:

11th of November, THURSDAY

7.00am – Wake up and prettify self. Pack clothes and stuffff for sleepover. Squeeze in Facebook time someee where in there.
8.30am – Leave for PJ to meet Ratata and Kate.
9.00am – Arrive at IACT and ber-brekkie. Probably Tappers, Set 10 :) Chill, bitch, chill, bitch, freak out about Friday’s exam and then bitch some more.
11.00am – Get into Sam’s car and head off to OneUtama. Get tickets for THE MOVIE. Squeeze in snack time/lunch. I dunno, depends on our tummies.
12.30pm – MOVIEEEE.
3.00pm – FOOOOOOD. SHOP. BITCH SOME MORE.
5.30pm – Leave for steamboat buffet in Puchong!
6.30pm – MAKAN BUFFET PUAS-PUAS!
8.30pm – Meet up with Capri after makan! :))))
10.00pm – Leave for Ratata’s house for our sleepover!
10.30pm – BER-BITCH AND SHARE FEELINGS TILL 3AM IN THE MORNING STUDY FOR MALAYSIAN STUDIES EXAM VERY, VERY HARD! AND SLEEP VERY, VERY EARLY.

12th of November, FRIDAY

10.00am – Wake up and ber-brekkie. Disregard prettifying self.
11.00am – Freak out about Malaysian Studies exam.
11.15am – Go on Facebook/Twitter/Tumblr to destress and find out how many other people are freaking out.
12.00pm – REALLY FREAK OUT AND START STUDYING LIKE A MAD WOMAN.
1.00pm – Leave for IACT.
2.00pm – Study while having a probably light lunch due to butterflies in the stomach. Find some way to update Fatima on what went down the day before.
2.45pm – START FREAKING OUT MAJORLY. Get to exam room.
3.00pm – Start of exam. Struggle at questions 3, 6 and 13. Look desperately around for someone who looks worse off than I do.
5.00pm – End exam. Rush the fuck out of the exam room and complain and freak some more. Laugh at how freaked out we were before the exam.
6.00pm – Leave PJ for Sentul, ze Ghetto, my hood.

And then find myself home, sweet home in my room once again!

Of course, I don’t expect this schedule will stick AT ALL. I mean, it’s me after all. When do I ever stick to schedules? Pffft. Beneath me. LALALALALA

Okay, I need sleep if I’m going to prettify myself by 8.30am.

Goodnight, avid reader of none.

Here, have a .gif!

What I’ve been feeling recently…

Not necessarily in that order, but you can more or less tell how mood-swingy I’ve been recently. Highs and lows and all that funky crud D:

And no; I haven’t kissed anyone recently (see first .gif). I guess it should be “it was only a touch”.

I feel like no. 2 whenever there’s some hot rumor going about… or when someone mentions *ehem*. HAHAHAHAHA

I was so super mad today at the audacity of a certain someone. I say respect is given where respect is due, so don’t go around trying to fucking school me in that area.

I think the Fez one is soooooooo adorable. I love That 70’s Show. That, and I really do love you.

The crocodile one is me when I’m all fluffy and smitten... which I have been a lot this week. *teehee*

Just gonna stand there and hear me roar? That’s alright because I am a dinosaur.

I realise I blog less when I’m happy. I guess because when I’m happy, I want to prolong that feeling, keep it bubbling inside and cheering me up and all. I guess when I’m down in the dumps, all that matters is getting everything out of my system, so venting as much as I can usually helps.

But today is different. I am still happy.

Over the moon that Tarrant Kwok is back and that I’ll be having dinner with him tonight.

Still high on that feeling of accomplishment when I submitted that feature article.

Beaming with pride at my ready to be tested monologue and script.

And maybe because I’ve just been surrounded by positive ju-ju vibes recently. It’s so much easier to smile. I guess good company and friends do that to you?

ALSO. Might be off to a holiday with Amesies and Joyee come end of the year. If that roadtrip happens, it is gonna be soooooooo sick :)

Things are looking up mostly. WHEE!

Marshmallows rhyme with Rainbows.

I’m tired. Very, very tired. But I just had my dinner (or more like supper), so I’m gonna wait a bit before I sleep.

I felt like queen of the world for quite a bit today. I handed in that feature article and I think I did okay on it.

Anyway, I’m even happier now because Tarrant Kwok is back in Msia! Don’t know how long, but this news has just made my day :)

Yeah, I hope he never reads this D:

 

Off to bed now with a wideeeeeeee grin.

Currently depressed over current state of mind. This song explains it all.

"All Hail The Heartbreaker" – The Spill Canvas

I had the notion that you'd make me change my ways
My bad habits would be gone in a matter of days
I had the feeling that you'd open up my eyes
To a whole new world that had since been in disguise

But that day will most likely never come for me
And it's just my luck to end up getting stuck
To everything you are

So tonight I'll sit and pick apart your pictures
And overanalyze your words
But the truth is that I've never fallen so hard
It's taking everything in me
Just to forget your sweater so far

I had the notion that you'd make me forget the world
But your undecisive mind shows me that
You are "just another girl"
I had the feeling that those looks you gave me were real
What if I ripped your heart apart at the seams
Maybe then you'd know how I feel

But that day will most likely never come for me
And it's just my luck to end up getting stuck
To everything you are

So tonight I'll sit and pick apart your pictures
And overanalyze your words
But the truth is that I've never fallen so hard
It's taking everything in me
Just to forget your sweater so far

I can honestly say
That I never, ever, ever felt this way
Your lips, your eyelashes, your skin
These are the parts of your body
That cause my comatose to begin
I can honestly say
That I never, ever, ever felt this way
Your lips, your eyelashes, your skin
These are the parts of your body
That cause my comatose to begin

I will sleep another day
I don't really need to anyway
What's the point when my dreams are infected
With words you used to say
I will breathe in a moment
As long as I keep my distance
I wouldn't want to go messing anything up

So don't go worrying about me
It's not like I think about you constantly
So maybe I do,
but that shouldn't affect your life anymore
I knew it the moment you walked into the door

So don't go worrying about me
It's not like I think about this constantly
So maybe I do,
but that shouldn't affect your life anymore
I knew it the moment you walked into the door

I'll let you get the best of me
Because there's nothing else that I do well
I'll let you get the best of me
Because there's nothing else that I do well

I'll be the giver and you'll be the taker
I guess that's how this one's gonna go
I'll be the giver and you'll be the taker
You've got me down on my knees and I proclaim
”All hail the heartbreaker.”

Talk about spamming your blog much.

AAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGGHHHHHH. I don’t feel good.

Now I’m just typing ‘cause I don’t know where else to vent. Vent. VENT. I’m so sad.

SO SAD. LIKE, REALLY SAD!

I don’t know whyyyyyyyyyyy. I mean I do, but I don’t know why I’m not used to feeling like this yet.

This sucks. Major. MAJOR.

I’m going to bury my FEELINGS under layers of lyrics now. You know why? ‘Cause I get my hopes up then they come crashing down. GAAAAAAH!

I should create a playlist titled “Listen when to this playlist when you read something related to him which upsets you”. I think it’s too long, but fuck that!

bjkwgnewqfew nfnr3ojgu2y58tjjmner m,fvh4uwhinn rf gvgji4gw9n2g!

Smashing keyboards help a lot.

bgfywnfhy829pkfcaw,kllnjkmr3gy3wdkxq2=7esx?SQ lt9,fl,ckm nkcm k hr3km732k; .,AS, N FSL KSFDX

You, You, You and You Are Everything.

My heart breaks a little every time you post up something to do with a person you only identify as "you". 'Cause I always wonder afterwards, if it was meant for me.

I know this probably sounds really sad. But I can’t help it. I wish and I wish and I hope you mean me when you say “you”. You get it? Ugh, I’m so bad at this trying to keep things the way they are thing. Really. I’m not greedy. I just hate not knowing. Let’s face it; I’ve got an ego and I have an unreasonable fear of rejection. I do. And I’m very afraid of being played for a fool. Been there too many times.

I’m afraid I’m making a real fool of myself now though huh.

I mean, really. The possibility of “you” being me, is almost not there at all. But I wish it was. Oh God, how I do wish it was.

Great. Head over heels for you once again.

I must stop thinking about you so much.

Ah, heart, be strong!

Running all over me.

Because I know you stalk my blog, shoutout to Johann Oh. You still owe me three movies. Yeaaaaaahh.

Anyway.

I have recently developed a liking for vehicles. Okay, not a liking. I’ve just been thinking a lot about movement and progress and getting ahead, so vehicles kinda just pop in my head occasionally.

I have a lot to write about actually. I’ve got a lot on my mind (more than usual) but it’s mostly good things. I’m feeling a lot better about most things (not my PR feature article which I’ve yet to start on though). I need to unload, unwind.

Heh, that reminds me of this lame joke Danial cracked during the Unplugged Halloween party.

Why does a mummy hate to go on holidays?
- Because he needs to relax and UNWIND.

I did warn you that it was a lame joke. HA-HA-HA-HA!

Wow, I’m doing a really bad job of emptying my mind. Like, so bad. FAIL.

You see, I really REALLY like you. A lot. And I enjoy being with you. I feel like inserting a romantic quote here just because I’m kinda overflowing with this fluffy romantic stuff right now but I don’t know how to word it right. It’s simply summed up by I care for you very, very much and I love it when I make you happy. It makes me feel like I’m finally doing something worthwhile, because you definitely aren’t a waste of time.

... And somehow communicate some of the over-whelming, undying, overpowering, unconditional, all-encompassing, heart-enriching, mind-expanding, ongoing, never-ending love I have for you.

– Reflections of a Skyline.

These words explain it all and yet they are not enough because I still don’t think I’ve said all I can say. I wanna be all redundant, but I’m stubborn that way and you know that.

Ahhh, I think I know what it feels like now to be really happy with what you have, even when you don’t have much. This is good.

Recovered.

There’s this really bad taste in my mouth and no matter how many times I swallow, I just can’t seem to get rid of it. No, this is not some kinky shit. It’s just that it has been bothering me the whole day and now it still refuses to bugger off. I think I might be falling pretty ill and it looks like my voice is gonna die on me pretty soon.

On another note, MEGAMIND IS SUPER AWESOME. One of the best movies I’ve seen this year. REALLY. So funny! They had the best jokes EVERRRR. I wanna be like Megamind. He’s like my new idol. SOOOOOOOOOO AWESOME. Ratata, Kate, Leo and I were laughing sooooo loudly. There was this bit about the queen of England and NOBODY ELSE in the cinema got it but for us. :P

Aiyoh, it was such a goodnight.

OMG I WANNA WATCH IT AGAIN. It was really THAT good.

Ok, off to bed smiling and replaying the movie in my head. SERIOUSLY, OMG SO GOOD.