Good things happen to good people… oh, really?

We set up the college gallery for our exhibition tomorrow. Wasn't too sure how that was gonna go down, but I guess it's not too bad. At first, I felt our booth was the worst; we had a very vague idea what we wanted to present our photos like.

But after some tips and hints by a few people, I guess it turned out ok. it looks kinda artsy at least and since my theme is "ART" it works.

It was tiring though. I felt we weren't working as a group, to be honest. Haihs. Maybe next time I'll learn to include people in the work load more? Then again, I wasn't supposed to be group leader, but as no one stepped up to the plate, I was almost thrown into the position (just my opinion).

Most of the other groups look good, but I think there's one or two that could've done better. Well, all of us could. Ah well. We'll just have to wait for tomorrow to know if we did okay.

Oh in other news, I'll be watching The Last 5 Years this Thursday. SO EXCITES. After seeing a bit of their photoshoots, I'm expecting awesome things. I can't wait for Thursday :)

The "Demons".

 

Found that on Tumblr and… whoa. Laughed sooooooooooo hard. And it only hit me earlier today that I reblog so many posts pertaining homosexuality. A lot of 'em are ridiculing the stereotypes. They kinda snap at homophobes and what not.

 

Also found this one:

Above it were the words "If any country wants to beat the US in a war, just send out all your gays. It's like kryptonite." LOL-ed sooooooo hard. Well, we know Malaysia and US have at least one similar weakness then :p

Help is good, but you're not helping.

Ok. I understand that you think that note you posted up is probably going to give hope , though I don’t really see what you can achieve through it. It’s noble and I commend you for that. But as someone who has personally been dealing with this for the past few years, reading your post only got me down.

You're talking about pushing those thoughts to a side and believing in life and the people around you. But you have to realize, most of us do enjoy life, here and there. We’ve got friends like any other person in the world, we’ve got a loving family, we get good grades and we don’t think about suicide 24/7. The times when the idea of suicide is absent are the best times for me personally.

So, when I go online, I’m not expecting to be reminded of the strength many of you possess. It’s not like I’m all “Oh I wanna die now”, but I’m just saying that reading your note didn’t do any good for me. ‘Cause you have to realize I’ve heard that same speech in a variety of angles from a million different people before. You're not the first to try that "Life is beautiful, you're making a mistake" point of view. I hear it all the time; it's becoming a senseless platitude.

All I’m trying to say is it’s not easy for someone who’s been suffering for quite awhile, to just get over it. If there was a foolproof method to steadily cure ourselves, we’d opt for that. We want to be healed. Not all of us are masochists. We try optimism and realism and often neither work.

I’m not hating, I just want you to be aware of what you’re sparking up by writing a preachy note like that. If you really want to help, get people to go into therapy or just get them to talk it out. It’s better for them to voice out what they feel rather than having to put up with a long speech about what they can and cannot feel. I would know; I've been there, done that.

So please. Just stop being so full of shit.

It's late and my brain is pumping.

I would like nothing more than to just be whisked away from here. I think quite a few know this. Maybe. Either that or they just put up with what I say, thinking I never mean it.

I actually really do. It's been over three years and this thing I have is probably the only constant. I'm pretty sure it's become a permanent part of me. I've kind of accepted it, but there are moments when I believe someone will suddenly pop up and save me.

Hmm. I was born 'weak'- as in, I crumble pretty easily. Many things scare me and my loud exterior is just there to fake being brave. When things scare me, I seek the easiest and most cowardly way out. I pretend to be ashamed of it, but actually I wouldn't change. Best to get out of there before something gets me.

I've faced some fears but I honestly believe these minor triumphs won't sway the grand scheme of things.

I already know.

For all whose heart is aching.

Maroon 5. Their music seems to be super awesome live. Omg. I wants. PLEASE :(

Every time I think of the word "ache", my stomach is filled with this notion of impending doom. Just for awhile. It's even stronger when you verbally pronounce it. Ache. Ache. It's a pretty painful word to say.

I realise, when it comes to loss, there's two types of aches; the immediate and the culminated.

Immediate ache is essentially you lose something and you plummet into this total abyssssss of despair. But after a really long time, you kind of find your way out it and you're ok again.

The culminated ache just sucks. Srsly. It does. It really rips you apart, or maybe just me. It's when you lose something and at first you're all gung-ho and shit. and you're like, naaaaaaaah, I'll be fine, it didn't mean anything. Then you go about thinking you're ok and after awhile it just eats away at you and BOOM; you hit rock bottom and everything just stops to matter. Yeah. The intensity there, sucks. Really.

Hmm.

Someone whom I've most recently became friends (?) with is going through some shit now apparently. Tbh, her situation reminded me of this song. It was my anthem when I was going through something similar.

If I could wish for one thing, it'd be for everyone to be happy. I know that's not ever going to happen, but mindless dreaming is worth something, I think. It kind of gives you an extra push to just slave through the rest of the day, because you believe that something tremendous will happen in the end and save us all.

Often, it's kind of like chasing the sunset. You'll never get to the sun, but you think you will, and so you just continue chasing. At least you're doing something other than moping about what you'll never have.

Yes. Mindless dreaming sometimes has its benefits and if they come true, all the better.

Well. This is awkward.

Some time towards the end of January, I blocked off this blog and stopped posting.

I did that because I realised I was censoring myself and blogging for the readers, rather than myself. And that's not why I made this blog, so I decided to take a break to think about what I wanted. So yays me, welcome back.

It's been a month and it's been eventful. Classes (being what they were this past semester) were pretty lenient but things apart from the lectures were a challenge. With the whole new dynamic in the classroom and the new personalities to gel with, I think it's safe to say it was awkward as hell during the first few weeks.

But I was happy and maybe I'll be happier?

Hmm. I've been staying pretty quiet on the theater front. I really don't know why. Maybe it's true; I've burnt out :( Guess I'll be quiet till May; I've got something up that month hopefully.

Oh and I've learnt that I fail at flirting. Seriously. I'm pathetic.

I'm going to get off the blog now and probably watch some Dexter. Season 5, here I come!

**For the few of you who are still reading, thanks for putting up with my mess :)

Confused.

I’m pretty patient (or so I’d like to think). Ok, maybe not patient, but I can tolerate quite a bit. It’s the lapse of basic consideration for others which I just cannot and won’t stand for. That and fucktards.

I’ve been bitching about this stupid peeve the whole day to anyone who would (and wouldn’t) listen. And for that reason, I’ll not go into details here. Let’s just say I was so mad, my bitch face kinda just burst through and that kinda met my bitch-quota for the day.

ANYWAY. On to other things. I finally began college again. My God, I don’t think I could handle another one month long break. It drove me to the brink of insanity. But the break was good, mostly. I needed the time to get some things into perspective. It’s all better now.

Also, as I’m prepping this post now, I am munching on some Lindt chocolate. And I’m also thinking a lot about Valentine’s day. And I’m really confused because mix signals do that to a person.

I’m going back to Tumblr-ing. I don’t want to analyze things now.

PS: I wish you’d apologize.

Hop to it then.

If you hate pining and whining, best to not read this post.

Ok. So I’ve been feeling like crap and worse. I’m quite tired of not knowing exactly what I’m aiming for, disappointed that some of my friendships have been falling apart and really annoyed at how tired I am of feeling lonely.

I can’t make up my mind ‘cause one minute I don’t give two fucks if I have to cut ties and the next I’m doing everything I can to mend things and get things back to normal.  And and and I find that at first I’m interested and two seconds later I give you the cold shoulder. Fuck. I’m a mess. I gotta sort my shit out. It’s just the first friggin’ month of 2011 and already I feel like smashing in somebody’s head.

Ok and I’ll be really pissed if I have to spend fucking Valentine’s Day alone again. I don’t care if I have to spend it with a friend even, I'm just really tired of the loneliness. Call me desperate, pathetic or whatever, this is how I feel and I should at least be free to express it. I don’t have control of much, but I know this is one thing that no one can force me to change.

You know, I just miss having someone to care for and having someone who cares for me. You can say I have my friends who care, and yes they do, but you and I both know they’re just two different kinds of care.

Oh, gosh honestly. I’m tired of being alone and bitter and mad. Please let this all change. Just somehow change.

Tumbling and Tweeting.

Okay, so I realise I’ve been a bit slow on updating the blog and all, and here’s the reason why: my life is kinda ‘meh’ now. Still on college break, so there’s not much to say. I’ve spent most of my time on Tumblr and Twitter and there’s really not much else to be said.

Oh, but the bestie and I are going to start baking on a fortnightly basis or something. We tried already a few times, and so far, we’ve done quite okay. I wanna make an apple pie next. nomnomnom. maybe I’ll bake one the day before college starts. nomnomnom. Then I can bring some pie to class! NOMNOMNOM.

Okay, I’m going back to stalking trolling tumbling now.

I HAVE SO MUCH OF A LIFE, LIKE OH MY GOD, I KNOW RIGHT?

Yeah, okay, tata!

Hello 2011, I think we’ll get along just fine.

So, I didn’t exactly kick off 2011 in glamorous fashion but something is telling me it’s going to be a great year.

Tomorrow (or should I say today??) is going to be a great day. AND YOU KNOW WHYYYY? Because I’m seeing my girls at college :))))) I haven’t seen them in almost a month. Okay, 3 weeks if you’re fickle about it, but yeah; 3 WEEKS IS A REALLY LONG TIME!

Anyway, I can’t wait to see them. Really. It’s probably the highlight of my past two weeks or something. Honest. That, and also I’m super hyper now, so maybe everything else that happened before this just isn’t processing, you know.

I want to talk about my New Year’s resolution, but this is kinda ish ish ishhhh part of the little something I prepared for my girls. After I give them their “gifts”, I promiseeee to blog about it. Because I’m really excited about it. AND YOU KNOW WHYYYY? Because this resolution of mine involves me spending more time with my best friend in the whole wide world, Joyee :)))) Oh my God; my heart is really just overflowing with love today now isn’t it. Slut with a big heart, hmm Ratata?

Heh, I’m misty-eyed :) Ok, I’ve been semi-misty-eyed since I started writing this post actually. I love these people very much, despite the little things that sometimes ruffle our feathers.

Ah, my photobook files have just been successfully copied to the CD. That’s my cue to hit the hay. I can’t wait to wake up tomorrow! (And I rarely say that if it requires me getting up before noon, so you know this means something) :D

Night!