Unrequited Love.

"Everything that belonged to her husband made her weep again: his tasseled slippers, his pajamas under the pillow, the space of his absence in the dressing table mirror, his own odor on her skin."

Love in the Time of Cholera,
Gabriel Garcia Marquez

This book is poetry. So beautiful. It was pretty damn draining to read (for me) because the language was twisted so beautifully. I've got about another 30 pages to read but I just had to post up that quote. That was the line which captivated me most.

It's a love story that spans 51 years so no shit it's a lot to digest. The first half of the book for me was golden. The next 50 pages after that were a bit draggy, but this book just somehow manages to pull you back in. There's this really beautiful flow to it, how he transitions from one point to another. I'm hoping to his other famous book, One Hundred Years of Solitude :)

Yes, it's a story on unrequited love but it's just genius.

Laser Tag.

I went for my first ever laser tag experience with Dodo, Capri and Nikki (Caps sistaaaaaaah). At first I was all psyched, even though I only found out we were going to play laser tag on the way to mid valley, and because a certain somebody(whose name rhymes with CAREFREE) forgot to let me know the day before, I went laser tagging in a skirt.

Even better, out of the group of around 30 who were going to play in our mission, only me and Nikki were girls… and on top of that we were the only two people who hadn't ever played before.

Anyway, as I mentioned, I was psyched at first. But the minute we got into the space, I knew I wasn't going to enjoy myself the way I thought I would. I sucked balls. I think I almost tripped like 5 times (but at least I didn't run into any pillars and bump myself on the forehead).

But yeah, we were playing with kids who were younger than us (probably no older than 15 most of 'em) and they were SO into it, it creeped me out. hahahaha omg, I sound like a friggin' pussy but well...

I've always been kiasu but those kids there were on another level. Needless to say, I got hit like every 15 seconds or whatever. I guess lots of people would love that rush of playing a commando; getting to run for cover, doing ninja rolls across the floor, sneaking up on enemies and when I think about it, I guess I would too. But when push came to shove, I guess I wasn't much into it. Maybe because it was my first time and I still felt out of sorts.

Capri mentioned it probably wasn't so fun since we were playing with strangers; I guess if it was a big ass group of friends, it'd be a different story.

Either way, I don't think I'll be super-stoked the next time anyone mentions laser tag. I enjoyed the experience I guess, but maybe I'll save my RM25 for .shoes or drinks or something.

Fluffy-fying.

I'm so horrible at watching TV. I mean, I know I'm a lazy fart  and TV is often the lazy fart's most prized possession but really; I'm in a state of restlessness. With the internet at home be disabled till next week, I find myself struggling to entertain myself.

Since TV can't satisfy me (EHEM), I've made it a point to finish reading "Love in the Time of Cholera" by Gabriel Garcia Marquez by next week. However, because it's been almost a month since I spent more than 2 hours on a good book, I find  my attention swaying so much.

I feel like I have to be actively doing something. Ok not actively, maybe physically? Reading is basically me lying in bed with a book in my hand and the only time I move is when I flip the pages. For that reason, reading just can't hold my attention too long. I have no clue when this little tick started happening to me. Two years ago, I was happy to stay in bed all day on a weekend reading whatever book I could find.

Yes, I know, bumming yourself around the laptop isn't active either. But I have to say, I enjoy typing; I'm DOING something. And when I blog, I actually do give thought to what it is I'm putting out. Well, Most of it is just brain food but it's an active thing. And I don't just blog here, but also only tumblr (and other than pretty photos, I do have some personal posts in there because I know my tumblr is relatively unknown to people I know in real life).

Also, I think when I'm online, I'm usually buzzed. 'Cause more often than not, I'm waiting for a specific someone to come online or to start talking to me. And because I don't have the balls to text said person everyday, I worry for said person on and off throughout the course of my boring day. I'm Pisces and I'm a daydreamer by nature, so my daydreams are often pretty exciting (and fluffy-fying).

Heh. Fluffy-fying. I like that word. I think shall call this post, Fluffy-fying.

Rina and Yosuke

3 years ago my dad brought in two Japanese backpackers to live with us for awhile. One was Rina, who if I'm not mistaken, had just finished secondary education in Japan and was around Asia before going back to her hometown of Osaka. The other was Yosuke, this dude who was a mad ass percussionist; he too backpacked all around Asia, with only his drums to get him any income.

I remember when I first met both of them, I felt really awkward. Neither of 'em spoke very good English and they were literally strangers picked out of the street. How and why? The day that my dad met both of them, he was around the Puduraya bus station during one of his events. My dad was almost hit by a bus that day and he was lucky because someone yanked him back just in time. I guess my dad saw it as a sign and karma works both ways, so I guess he decided it was his turn to do something good for someone else.

He bumped into Yosuke and Rina as they fumbled with a map, trying to get directions (or something like that). Both of them too had met perchance; they just happened to meet each other at Puduraya that day. My dad spoke with them and offered to take them in for however long they wanted.

Rina stayed for about two weeks and Yosuke almost two months. I remember crying quite a bit when they left; they were pretty awesome people.

I know you're probably tired of hearing PRAY FOR JAPAN. To be honest, I am too, especially when people just use the phrase again and again to feel good about themselves.

It's terrible, what's happening there. I just wished I knew if Rina and Yosuke are okay. We couldn't keep in contact once they left Malaysia because for some reason their email addresses didn't work.

I'm just praying (yes, praying) that somehow, they weren't in Japan at the time. They're backpackers right? Maybe they're safe.

But yeah. I really hope their okay. And it makes me really sad that there's no way to even know :(

Instant Delirium

I love spending time with you.

Oh God, I make myself sick. Having such ridiculous feelings for someone whom I barely know.

Why does my heart do this to me?

I really can imagine, you know, a fantasy wedding; even if marriage isn't an option here.  (LET ME STRESS ON THE WORD FANTASY, JUST IN CASE ANYONE THINKS I'M BEING CREEPY. I'M ALLOWED TO FANTASIZE AND DAYDREAM ALL I WANT.)

It'd be scary at first because it'd be me confirming my sexuality and the way I live and who I am and what I want and how people view me and I will be anything but heterosexual.

I mean, I'm not heterosexual now anyway, but since I've never had anything serious with a girl, it still 'might' (though it's highly unlikely) be a phase???????!?!?!?!?!?

But I think you're worth it. Love is worth it. I promise not to throw away something like what you and I could have.

I can't wait to go out with you on our next date :)

 

And in all our imperfections, we found ourselves.

I'm talking about you.

But I'll stop. Because evidently, this won't work.

Talking about this really hurts. Why do I put myself through this? I should just cease. Just stop trying.

Always the friend.

I'm guessing I'll be venting a lot today.

You long for sleep because that's when the thoughts cease. You bury yourself in your bed sheets hoping sleep will whisk you away into the quiet.

It's sad when sleep feels like the only place you're safe. Your brain is the main cause of your delirium and powering it down is the only way to feel in control again.

I'd love to just not think, not be for awhile. Maybe I should just spend my life sleeping away. I hate what my thoughts do to me.

What's the point of doing anything if you know you're going to sink back to your old habits anyway?

I'm sick.

Friggin' unbelievable.

I'm at Old Town Jalan Ipoh and I'm bawling my eyes out. fantastic. Fucking fucking fantastic.

I wanna runaway from myself, anyone know how to do that?

How fluffy can you get, Belinda?

My mind has been refusing to work. I tried to get some revision done for my exam on Monday, but it's just not happening. I think the past week was such a big deal, so my brain is still digesting all the signs and what not. Trying to unravel the mystery that is…

I'm pretty happy now but I'm so afraid that this happiness will be short lived. I hope not 'cause I actually believe my luck might be turning around. And I'd hate to think you were only paying me attention for the hell of it.

This one kid makes me smile like a little girl on Christmas day. I feel like I'm being treated with so much tender care; it's as if to this person, I'm actually worth saving. It's great because not many people have made me feel this way before. So gentle. This kid sees me and it brings on this incredible rush, like WHOOOOOSH! X)

…

Bloody hell, ground yourself already! >.<

The Last 5 Years.

I loved it. Okay. Maybe, I liked it very much. That sounds better.

The music for me was the star of the show. Amazingly beautiful accompaniment and the songs were pretty awesome. Tabitha Kong can sing, there's no question about it and she blew me away with the power in her voice.

And Jon Chew was just adorable. hahahah.

If you're intending to watch, look out for Jon's piece "The Schmuel Song". Yes, it's a weird name, but I have to say, that song was the highlight of the show for me. The visuals were SO AWESOME and Jon looked so at ease singing it. Plus, he danced. AND THAT WAS SUCH A SIGHT :P

The audio recording from a past production of The Last 5 Years.

So yes. Go watch. Or die.

*I had 4 hours of sleep. Don't blame me for not making much sense please, thanks.