Good Enough

And I thought I'd be able to contain the emo-ness till AFTER SPM.
Here it goes.

I don't feel the same way I did at the start of the year. I've been changing and though I know I've changed for the better, there's something that's just nagging at me, like something pulling on my shirt trying to make me turn around.

I went out with family today and I usually enjoy seeing my cousins, catching up. But I just couldn't help feeling alien around them. Even now as I'm typing, they are upstairs playing computer games with my brothers... and I'm down here being anti-social. It hasn't been that long since we last met up, but I felt a real gap today, so much so that when we went to the bowling alley, I told them to go ahead and instead I went windowshopping with my aunt in OU.

I NEVER willingly spend time alone with my aunt because things between us haven't been good since a few years back and the fact that I chose her over my cousins, whom I love despite their wackiness, really doesn't make any sense.

I think perhaps this is my conscience telling me to stop pushing people away. Have I really been neglecting those close to me? I don't know. Have I been neglecting friends and family in light of my recent growth? Probably. Right now, 3 days before SPM, nothing seems to be going the right way. I feel like I might be making all the wrong decisions.

and fuck all this for just becoming clear to me now at the eleventh hour.

Of one thing I am certain: not many people think I'm capable of making the right choice, and at this point I can't help but agree with them.

you have to wipe away those tears if you plan on making 'em proud.