Hop to it then.

If you hate pining and whining, best to not read this post.

Ok. So I’ve been feeling like crap and worse. I’m quite tired of not knowing exactly what I’m aiming for, disappointed that some of my friendships have been falling apart and really annoyed at how tired I am of feeling lonely.

I can’t make up my mind ‘cause one minute I don’t give two fucks if I have to cut ties and the next I’m doing everything I can to mend things and get things back to normal.  And and and I find that at first I’m interested and two seconds later I give you the cold shoulder. Fuck. I’m a mess. I gotta sort my shit out. It’s just the first friggin’ month of 2011 and already I feel like smashing in somebody’s head.

Ok and I’ll be really pissed if I have to spend fucking Valentine’s Day alone again. I don’t care if I have to spend it with a friend even, I'm just really tired of the loneliness. Call me desperate, pathetic or whatever, this is how I feel and I should at least be free to express it. I don’t have control of much, but I know this is one thing that no one can force me to change.

You know, I just miss having someone to care for and having someone who cares for me. You can say I have my friends who care, and yes they do, but you and I both know they’re just two different kinds of care.

Oh, gosh honestly. I’m tired of being alone and bitter and mad. Please let this all change. Just somehow change.