Nightmares and things that go screech.

You, Omar, Rosheen, Calvin, Dorian and I were at this KFC near my house, where the Subway usually is. Rosheen and Omar were explaining to me how they got their car and Omar was grumpy because Rosheen was hogging the mash potato.

Opposite our KFC, is HSBC and this small burger stall just in front of it. Omar Jr was sitting by the roadside having a burger. Calvin and Dorian went out to sit with him. We remained in the KFC.

Suddenly there was a huge crash. There was chaos. People were running everywhere, trying to hide from these machine-looking aliens with laser guns. We realised we had to get out. Omar Jr ran into the KFC and told us we had to get away, far out of the city. And that's when we realised there wasn't enough space in the car. Calvin and Dorian were gone and we came in Omar Jr's Kancil. I looked to you, realising that I couldn't come with. You said "I'm sorry. I love you." and all four of you left. I remember very distinctly the sound of the tires screeching as you guys drove off.

I'm running in a crowded mall. I think, for now, the mall is relatively safe. It hasn't been invaded yet. Everywhere I go, people are breaking into shops to get provisions. I decided I'd better as well. I had to fend for myself.

I got to the lower ground floor and went into the supermarket. I grabbed as many canned foods as I could carry. Suddenly, the whole supermarket was hushed. We started hiding in the aisles. A group of three, maybe four aliens walked past us. Once they had left, I decided it was best I leave the supermarket to find a better hiding place. I was on my way out when I dropped one of the cans I was holding. When I turned around to see if I had dropped anything else, there you were. You didn't see me. I dropped everything I was holding, ran to you and hugged you for the first time in what felt like forever (though I'm sure it was less than a day). I remember repeating your name over and over.

I can't tell if I woke up right after because of all the crying I was doing in real life or because an alien shot me; I did after all give away my position, what with all the hysterical wailing and the sound of tin cans falling to the floor.

But whatever it was, I'm glad I found you first.

I'm sorry for being sorry.

I must stop apologising. It's a habit I have unwillingly picked up.

Wait. Why did I use the words "picked up"? It's not like I got it from someone. In fact, I'm surrounded by people who rarely apologise… I think. Well, I know at least that I do not have any close friends who apologise profusely. So this habit is probably a result of my psych.

BUT I DIGRESS.

My point was that I have started to apologise way too much. I apologise for everything, even mistakes that aren't mine.

Funny though. I'm all for apologising, but I can't find it in myself to forgive this one person, no matter how many times she says she's sorry.

OOPS, I DIGRESSED AGAIN.

I think this habit I have is actually doing me more harm than good. I have to stop setting my value so low; why do I have to apologise if I'm not to blame? Why should I be the one to bow down?

….

Hmm. Actually, I think that is the reason for my constant apologies. It's to give power to the person I'm apologising to. It's to appease the other party. I bow down so that you can feel more powerful, more in control. But why do I do that?

FUCCCCCKKK.

This rant just got all circular logicky.

I don't foresee this habit dying off soon. But I guess it doesn't matter what I see. For all I know, starting this very minute, it may take me days before I apologise for anything at all.

However, there is one thing that I am truly sorry for…

I am not sorry that I feel the need to control and plan everything. However, I am sorry I expected you to do the same.

Out of all the other apologies, this apology, I promise you, is the sincerest.