I'm sorry for being sorry.

I must stop apologising. It's a habit I have unwillingly picked up.

Wait. Why did I use the words "picked up"? It's not like I got it from someone. In fact, I'm surrounded by people who rarely apologise… I think. Well, I know at least that I do not have any close friends who apologise profusely. So this habit is probably a result of my psych.

BUT I DIGRESS.

My point was that I have started to apologise way too much. I apologise for everything, even mistakes that aren't mine.

Funny though. I'm all for apologising, but I can't find it in myself to forgive this one person, no matter how many times she says she's sorry.

OOPS, I DIGRESSED AGAIN.

I think this habit I have is actually doing me more harm than good. I have to stop setting my value so low; why do I have to apologise if I'm not to blame? Why should I be the one to bow down?

….

Hmm. Actually, I think that is the reason for my constant apologies. It's to give power to the person I'm apologising to. It's to appease the other party. I bow down so that you can feel more powerful, more in control. But why do I do that?

FUCCCCCKKK.

This rant just got all circular logicky.

I don't foresee this habit dying off soon. But I guess it doesn't matter what I see. For all I know, starting this very minute, it may take me days before I apologise for anything at all.

However, there is one thing that I am truly sorry for…

I am not sorry that I feel the need to control and plan everything. However, I am sorry I expected you to do the same.

Out of all the other apologies, this apology, I promise you, is the sincerest.