I think you have a right to feel the way you feel. I believe you have a right to your emotions. It's one of those things that you should have control of, even if you feel out of control, you know?
No one has the right to order you to not feel a certain way. They may ask, they may try to persuade or coerce, but ultimately, you decide on what you're feeling.
I'm not saying that it's the best option to wallow in your emotions, but if you feel like it, no one can stop you. Never underestimate a person's will or drive.
I don't know what I'm feeling now. I suppose it's a mixture. I'd like to feel better, but at the same time, I feel like just layan-ing this crappy feeling till I breakdown. Because the moments after the breakdown often see me at my most liberated.
And that's what I want to feel the most; liberation.
But I feel, no matter how many times, I break my self down and build myself back up, there will always be this residue of dissatisfaction. There will always be this weight that keeps me emotionally heavy and perpetually in turmoil.
It's funny, I often feel like I'm watching my life from the view of a master puppeteer. Like, I (the puppeteer) am in control of the chaos I (the puppet) go through. As if I create the uncontrollable and volatile emotions, not for myself, but for the story, for the outcome. for the journey.
For the puppet! Just so happens that puppet is me.
So. Can the tears and yelling and pounding and frustration just commence so I can get it over with? So that I can feel the worst before I feel a little better?
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