Blocked.

There was a reason I had crap relationships. And the reason is me.

Yes, my exes were douches. I can't say I'm too proud of the relationships I've had. But when I think back, were they not better towards me at the beginning?

Maybe they were feigning. Maybe there were only nice to me until they knew for certain that they had me on a leash and let's face it, I'm the kind of girl who falls hard. I'm pretty pathetic.

So maybe… maybe I was played.

Or maybe I deserved everything I got from them. All of them. Even the first. The very first.

I asked to be treated that way. I was willing to sell myself so low that it only made sense for them to treat me the way they did. I tempted them. I asked for it.

I turned them into the things I now hate.

There must be something about me that is toxic. Or maybe not. Maybe it's just the way I am. I am bad for relationships. I am bad for people. There hasn't been one relationship that I haven't screwed up. I'm a shit girlfriend. I'm needy, I'm controlling, I'm clingy, I'm disgusting, I'm manipulative.

I'm everything… I'm everything love should not be.

So maybe I don't know love. Maybe I think what I have is love, but maybe all I'm offering is chaos.

I don't have the right to blame anyone for leaving.

I understand now that they all leave not because they're unreasonable but because I push them away. Because no one could ever love someone as vile as I am. The things I do, the things I say. And it is all my own fucking fault. I'm unlovable because I refuse to reform.

I shouldn't even bother. They say love is sometimes around the corner. But I live in a state that love just cannot survive in.

I'll stop playing the victim. The previous guys in my life weren't terrible people; they just made the mistake of hanging around me too much.

Actually, no. I said I wouldn't blame them. They didn't make a mistake. I forced myself upon them.

I infected them. And if you don't leave me soon, I'm afraid you're just going to end up hating me even more. I'm sorry