Oh My God! opens tonight.

Oh my god.
tonight. tonight. tonight. TONIGHT.

i can't believe that after so long
the time is finally here. the stage.
i've been waiting for tonight for a long time,
but now that it's finally here,
i'm really afraid.

i remember watching my first play, Ubu Roi,
when i was about 10years old.
my then drama teacher Jerrica Lai was acting in it.
though i didn't really understand much of the play
'cause it was very mature,
i remember being so amazed by what i saw.
the play was like a perfectly oiled machine.
the energy that every one character brought to the play
was in sync and brought the whole scene to life.
honestly, it was amazing to me how those people on stage
could compliment one another so fittingly.

and just sitting there, i felt like each character
was telling me a personal story.
like they were talking to me and ME alone.
that's the way a play should be i guess.
it should make the audience feel like they're part of it.

since then, i've wanted to be on stage.
a REAL stage. not the ones we have in school.
i always thought that with my background,
that type of thrill would be beyond my reach.
but here i am, less than 12hours away.
its not what i imagined. that i'd be chilly all over.
but i am still afraid. afraid that this will be my only chance.
after Oh My God! comes to an end this Sunday,
there won't be anymore lines for me to learn.

i'll be back to who i was before all this.
on my own, just hoping and praying that
i'll get another chance.

i'm going to miss the stage
and the people on, behind and around it
very, very much.

The Unsexy

** Below is a CRAZY poem Aze and I made up during some boring subjects in school.
She posted it on her blog so i decided to do the same. its nice to reminisce.

THE UNSEXY

It was getting very late,

He walked me to his gate;

His tie was out of date,

He whispered "Let's Mate";

I knew i should have opted to masturbate.

-

We inched into the closet like room,

He was marinated in cheap perfume;

He Leaned in for my lips, but kissed the broom,

Then he said, my ears were like the moon.

-

I felt like such a useless goon,

His back was hairy like a baboon,

I wished i could hit Zoom..

But, he promised he'd get a hard on soon.

-

He Haphazardly peeled off my lace,

i saw all the acne on his face;

I wished his fingers were at the right place;

they seemed to be moving at a petty pace.

-

He struggled to unhook my bra,

he pulled out a condom from a yellow jar;

For some reason, he was calling me Sacha..

It was too late to run back to the car,

why did he have to park so fucking far?

i wanted to hit him with a steel crowbar;

I noticed his tattoo said "Made in India"

-

Something smelled of rotten cheese,

i realised it was the wind he release;

i was asking God to, "Take me now, please!"

He thought i was talking to him and said-

"get down on your knees".

** I should have warned that it was rather VULGAR huh.

Time

one week. ONE WEEK.
that's all i have to hold onto.
its traumatizing to think of it.
damn, its just one week!!!
can't i have a little more time?
exclusion will come with the end of
my short and sweet stint.
i'll no longer be. . . . well, there.

one week.
the posters will come down
and the props will be returned.
and i'll be on my way.
like the belongings of a corpse.
the hospital holds em for awhile,
just enough for them to do their job.
and then back to the deceased's family.
the family grieves then keeps them aside
and never looks at them again...
and then their forgotten.

i feel the need to say so much more
and expel even more of what i'm really feeling
but i can't form the right words.
its like my brain is clogged up.
nothing seems to come out without force.
verbal constipation i suppose.

*insert transition material here*

me and "miss becok" (refer to my earlier post)
have not had a talk yet.
i'm non-confrontational most of the time you see.
that's a fancy sentence for me being a coward
and not having the guts to tell her how p*ssed i am.

she's still coming to watch my play next week.
she presumes that i don't know of her treachery.
maybe i won't tell her at all.
one day she'll read this blog entry and realise.
THEN i'll pour all the feelings out.
but for now, i can pretend, i can be patient.
after all, i owe her a lot and at least the benefit of the doubt.

*insert transition material here*

bloody hell, i'm full!!
after that feast at the TumTum place @ Caltex,
i swear i felt my tummy and brain get considerably heavier.

'Cause it seems that after each of these trips
i'm left with a million things to think of.
it makes my life that much dizzy-fying.
but it might be a good thing.
a laxative to unclog my system.

just one week.

Screwed Over

Naturally, most people would see the phrase
"you're one of the few people i trust enough to confide in"
as another way of someone saying
"i trust that you won't blab this to anyone else".

and by anyone, i mean ANYONE.
whether its your best mate, sister, or even your mother.
you do NOT utter even a silent syllable.

the best friend rule:
never EVER expose the other's secret.

unfortunately some people don't get this.
they think that confiding in someone
who is COMPLETELY unrelated, like their MOM,
is acceptable for the very reason that she
wouldn't go around broadcasting it anyway.

*buzzer* WRONG!

recently i got into a huge shouting match with my beloved aunt.
why? because she said she heard something from my besties' MOM.
part of what my aunt heard was true, but most of it was bullsh*t.
and of course when i tried to tell her that it was bullsh*t, she didn't believe me.

now i got upset, obviously.
one, cos my bestie could actually betray my trust just like that.
two, cos i don't know whether she made up the extra bits or her mom misheard.
and three, cos i don't know how many other times she's gone behind my back.

the third reason is probably the worst.
that's what made my tears and fury uncontrollable.
best friends wouldn't do such things.
i'm not saying i'm the perfect pal,
but i can PROMISE you that i never betrayed her that way.
it just really sucks because i really have never trusted anyone more than her,
no matter how cliche that sounds.

i won't ever be able to mention her name in front of my family
without feeling shame and rage boil through my system.

now i know how dangerous trust can be.