Time

one week. ONE WEEK.
that's all i have to hold onto.
its traumatizing to think of it.
damn, its just one week!!!
can't i have a little more time?
exclusion will come with the end of
my short and sweet stint.
i'll no longer be. . . . well, there.

one week.
the posters will come down
and the props will be returned.
and i'll be on my way.
like the belongings of a corpse.
the hospital holds em for awhile,
just enough for them to do their job.
and then back to the deceased's family.
the family grieves then keeps them aside
and never looks at them again...
and then their forgotten.

i feel the need to say so much more
and expel even more of what i'm really feeling
but i can't form the right words.
its like my brain is clogged up.
nothing seems to come out without force.
verbal constipation i suppose.

*insert transition material here*

me and "miss becok" (refer to my earlier post)
have not had a talk yet.
i'm non-confrontational most of the time you see.
that's a fancy sentence for me being a coward
and not having the guts to tell her how p*ssed i am.

she's still coming to watch my play next week.
she presumes that i don't know of her treachery.
maybe i won't tell her at all.
one day she'll read this blog entry and realise.
THEN i'll pour all the feelings out.
but for now, i can pretend, i can be patient.
after all, i owe her a lot and at least the benefit of the doubt.

*insert transition material here*

bloody hell, i'm full!!
after that feast at the TumTum place @ Caltex,
i swear i felt my tummy and brain get considerably heavier.

'Cause it seems that after each of these trips
i'm left with a million things to think of.
it makes my life that much dizzy-fying.
but it might be a good thing.
a laxative to unclog my system.

just one week.