Oh my god.
tonight. tonight. tonight. TONIGHT.
i can't believe that after so long
the time is finally here. the stage.
i've been waiting for tonight for a long time,
but now that it's finally here,
i'm really afraid.
i remember watching my first play, Ubu Roi,
when i was about 10years old.
my then drama teacher Jerrica Lai was acting in it.
though i didn't really understand much of the play
'cause it was very mature,
i remember being so amazed by what i saw.
the play was like a perfectly oiled machine.
the energy that every one character brought to the play
was in sync and brought the whole scene to life.
honestly, it was amazing to me how those people on stage
could compliment one another so fittingly.
and just sitting there, i felt like each character
was telling me a personal story.
like they were talking to me and ME alone.
that's the way a play should be i guess.
it should make the audience feel like they're part of it.
since then, i've wanted to be on stage.
a REAL stage. not the ones we have in school.
i always thought that with my background,
that type of thrill would be beyond my reach.
but here i am, less than 12hours away.
its not what i imagined. that i'd be chilly all over.
but i am still afraid. afraid that this will be my only chance.
after Oh My God! comes to an end this Sunday,
there won't be anymore lines for me to learn.
i'll be back to who i was before all this.
on my own, just hoping and praying that
i'll get another chance.
i'm going to miss the stage
and the people on, behind and around it
very, very much.
Thursday, December 18, 2008
Thursday, December 11, 2008
The Unsexy
** Below is a CRAZY poem Aze and I made up during some boring subjects in school.
She posted it on her blog so i decided to do the same. its nice to reminisce.
THE UNSEXYShe posted it on her blog so i decided to do the same. its nice to reminisce.
It was getting very late,
He walked me to his gate;
His tie was out of date,
He whispered "Let's Mate";
I knew i should have opted to masturbate.
-
We inched into the closet like room,
He was marinated in cheap perfume;
He Leaned in for my lips, but kissed the broom,
Then he said, my ears were like the moon.
-
I felt like such a useless goon,
His back was hairy like a baboon,
I wished i could hit Zoom..
But, he promised he'd get a hard on soon.
-
He Haphazardly peeled off my lace,
i saw all the acne on his face;
I wished his fingers were at the right place;
they seemed to be moving at a petty pace.
-
He struggled to unhook my bra,
he pulled out a condom from a yellow jar;
For some reason, he was calling me Sacha..
It was too late to run back to the car,
why did he have to park so fucking far?
i wanted to hit him with a steel crowbar;
I noticed his tattoo said "Made in India"
-
Something smelled of rotten cheese,
i realised it was the wind he release;
i was asking God to, "Take me now, please!"
He thought i was talking to him and said-
"get down on your knees".
** I should have warned that it was rather VULGAR huh.
Wednesday, December 10, 2008
Time
one week. ONE WEEK.
that's all i have to hold onto.
its traumatizing to think of it.
damn, its just one week!!!
can't i have a little more time?
exclusion will come with the end of
my short and sweet stint.
i'll no longer be. . . . well, there.
one week.
the posters will come down
and the props will be returned.
and i'll be on my way.
like the belongings of a corpse.
the hospital holds em for awhile,
just enough for them to do their job.
and then back to the deceased's family.
the family grieves then keeps them aside
and never looks at them again...
and then their forgotten.
i feel the need to say so much more
and expel even more of what i'm really feeling
but i can't form the right words.
its like my brain is clogged up.
nothing seems to come out without force.
verbal constipation i suppose.
*insert transition material here*
me and "miss becok" (refer to my earlier post)
have not had a talk yet.
i'm non-confrontational most of the time you see.
that's a fancy sentence for me being a coward
and not having the guts to tell her how p*ssed i am.
she's still coming to watch my play next week.
she presumes that i don't know of her treachery.
maybe i won't tell her at all.
one day she'll read this blog entry and realise.
THEN i'll pour all the feelings out.
but for now, i can pretend, i can be patient.
after all, i owe her a lot and at least the benefit of the doubt.
*insert transition material here*
bloody hell, i'm full!!
after that feast at the TumTum place @ Caltex,
i swear i felt my tummy and brain get considerably heavier.
'Cause it seems that after each of these trips
i'm left with a million things to think of.
it makes my life that much dizzy-fying.
but it might be a good thing.
a laxative to unclog my system.
just one week.
that's all i have to hold onto.
its traumatizing to think of it.
damn, its just one week!!!
can't i have a little more time?
exclusion will come with the end of
my short and sweet stint.
i'll no longer be. . . . well, there.
one week.
the posters will come down
and the props will be returned.
and i'll be on my way.
like the belongings of a corpse.
the hospital holds em for awhile,
just enough for them to do their job.
and then back to the deceased's family.
the family grieves then keeps them aside
and never looks at them again...
and then their forgotten.
i feel the need to say so much more
and expel even more of what i'm really feeling
but i can't form the right words.
its like my brain is clogged up.
nothing seems to come out without force.
verbal constipation i suppose.
*insert transition material here*
me and "miss becok" (refer to my earlier post)
have not had a talk yet.
i'm non-confrontational most of the time you see.
that's a fancy sentence for me being a coward
and not having the guts to tell her how p*ssed i am.
she's still coming to watch my play next week.
she presumes that i don't know of her treachery.
maybe i won't tell her at all.
one day she'll read this blog entry and realise.
THEN i'll pour all the feelings out.
but for now, i can pretend, i can be patient.
after all, i owe her a lot and at least the benefit of the doubt.
*insert transition material here*
bloody hell, i'm full!!
after that feast at the TumTum place @ Caltex,
i swear i felt my tummy and brain get considerably heavier.
'Cause it seems that after each of these trips
i'm left with a million things to think of.
it makes my life that much dizzy-fying.
but it might be a good thing.
a laxative to unclog my system.
just one week.
Monday, December 1, 2008
Screwed Over
Naturally, most people would see the phrase
"you're one of the few people i trust enough to confide in"
as another way of someone saying
"i trust that you won't blab this to anyone else".
and by anyone, i mean ANYONE.
whether its your best mate, sister, or even your mother.
you do NOT utter even a silent syllable.
the best friend rule:
never EVER expose the other's secret.
unfortunately some people don't get this.
they think that confiding in someone
who is COMPLETELY unrelated, like their MOM,
is acceptable for the very reason that she
wouldn't go around broadcasting it anyway.
*buzzer* WRONG!
recently i got into a huge shouting match with my beloved aunt.
why? because she said she heard something from my besties' MOM.
part of what my aunt heard was true, but most of it was bullsh*t.
and of course when i tried to tell her that it was bullsh*t, she didn't believe me.
now i got upset, obviously.
one, cos my bestie could actually betray my trust just like that.
two, cos i don't know whether she made up the extra bits or her mom misheard.
and three, cos i don't know how many other times she's gone behind my back.
the third reason is probably the worst.
that's what made my tears and fury uncontrollable.
best friends wouldn't do such things.
i'm not saying i'm the perfect pal,
but i can PROMISE you that i never betrayed her that way.
it just really sucks because i really have never trusted anyone more than her,
no matter how cliche that sounds.
i won't ever be able to mention her name in front of my family
without feeling shame and rage boil through my system.
now i know how dangerous trust can be.
"you're one of the few people i trust enough to confide in"
as another way of someone saying
"i trust that you won't blab this to anyone else".
and by anyone, i mean ANYONE.
whether its your best mate, sister, or even your mother.
you do NOT utter even a silent syllable.
the best friend rule:
never EVER expose the other's secret.
unfortunately some people don't get this.
they think that confiding in someone
who is COMPLETELY unrelated, like their MOM,
is acceptable for the very reason that she
wouldn't go around broadcasting it anyway.
*buzzer* WRONG!
recently i got into a huge shouting match with my beloved aunt.
why? because she said she heard something from my besties' MOM.
part of what my aunt heard was true, but most of it was bullsh*t.
and of course when i tried to tell her that it was bullsh*t, she didn't believe me.
now i got upset, obviously.
one, cos my bestie could actually betray my trust just like that.
two, cos i don't know whether she made up the extra bits or her mom misheard.
and three, cos i don't know how many other times she's gone behind my back.
the third reason is probably the worst.
that's what made my tears and fury uncontrollable.
best friends wouldn't do such things.
i'm not saying i'm the perfect pal,
but i can PROMISE you that i never betrayed her that way.
it just really sucks because i really have never trusted anyone more than her,
no matter how cliche that sounds.
i won't ever be able to mention her name in front of my family
without feeling shame and rage boil through my system.
now i know how dangerous trust can be.
Friday, November 28, 2008
Caltex
I had such a great time yesterday
that an overwhelming feeling over came me
and i just had to blog about it/them.
I love those people.
smart and witty and outrageous.
i feel at home when i'm around them.
i don't feel like i have to control my
weirdness when talking to em.
KLPaccers.
i guess thats what i'll call em.
from people i've seen onstage before (Farah),
to those who are still learning like myself (Johann)
and even those who aren't actors at all (Sesha).
We KLPaccers are nice people.
i feel stupid for not joining earlier.
how could i have thought, once upon a time,
that they were clique-ish?
i used to think it was all exclusive.
naive little me!
they're really really fun.
but fun is an understatement.
their. . . . . .well, crazy!! lol
yesterday after we saw Bottom Top,
which was really awesome by the way,
we went to the Tum Tum place near Caltex.
and there were about 15 of us i think?
farah, tapai, mark, asfar, yusman,
modee, iedil, hana, mikey, shahril, syat
and a few other people whom i didnt manage to talk to.
that shows how new i am to the KLPac scene kan.
their all really nice, crazy people. =)
some of em i'm just getting to know
and so far i haven't met anyone who, well,
discriminated in me joining in eventhough
i'm not exactly as experienced as the rest in theater.
all in due time, i guess.
that an overwhelming feeling over came me
and i just had to blog about it/them.
I love those people.
smart and witty and outrageous.
i feel at home when i'm around them.
i don't feel like i have to control my
weirdness when talking to em.
KLPaccers.
i guess thats what i'll call em.
from people i've seen onstage before (Farah),
to those who are still learning like myself (Johann)
and even those who aren't actors at all (Sesha).
We KLPaccers are nice people.
i feel stupid for not joining earlier.
how could i have thought, once upon a time,
that they were clique-ish?
i used to think it was all exclusive.
naive little me!
they're really really fun.
but fun is an understatement.
their. . . . . .well, crazy!! lol
yesterday after we saw Bottom Top,
which was really awesome by the way,
we went to the Tum Tum place near Caltex.
and there were about 15 of us i think?
farah, tapai, mark, asfar, yusman,
modee, iedil, hana, mikey, shahril, syat
and a few other people whom i didnt manage to talk to.
that shows how new i am to the KLPac scene kan.
their all really nice, crazy people. =)
some of em i'm just getting to know
and so far i haven't met anyone who, well,
discriminated in me joining in eventhough
i'm not exactly as experienced as the rest in theater.
all in due time, i guess.
Monday, November 24, 2008
Plays Pretty For Baby
i'm promoting this song,
"Plays Pretty For Baby" - SAOSIN.
why?
dont know really.
probably 'cause its so aweshummm.
actually this song is performed by another band,
but the lead singer of Saosin does the vocals.
i lalalove it anyway and
was tryna find a decent video for it
and this is the best YouTube offered.
this was the best i can do folks.
ignore the video itself,
just listen to the music.
and, of course, the lyrics.
best to skip this song though.
the lyrics are short and sweet.
and so is the song.
but,
it's also so. . . . . .
un-cheesy.
loud in ways.
kick-ass.
the piano instrumental is really really nice too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jr51xu96wVY
ignore the ending bits.
i know they kinda ruin the whole thing.
you can't blame the guy for the publicity.
doesn't take a genius to see
that i'm new to linking or finding
graphic material, but hell,
as long as my objective is fulfilled.
well, back to reality for now.
"Plays Pretty For Baby" - SAOSIN.
why?
dont know really.
probably 'cause its so aweshummm.
actually this song is performed by another band,
but the lead singer of Saosin does the vocals.
i lalalove it anyway and
was tryna find a decent video for it
and this is the best YouTube offered.
this was the best i can do folks.
ignore the video itself,
just listen to the music.
and, of course, the lyrics.
best to skip this song though.
the lyrics are short and sweet.
and so is the song.
but,
it's also so. . . . . .
un-cheesy.
loud in ways.
kick-ass.
the piano instrumental is really really nice too.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jr51xu96wVY
ignore the ending bits.
i know they kinda ruin the whole thing.
you can't blame the guy for the publicity.
doesn't take a genius to see
that i'm new to linking or finding
graphic material, but hell,
as long as my objective is fulfilled.
well, back to reality for now.
Friday, November 21, 2008
A Broken Down Car
after a months hiatus, i am back.
at the same time, i am not.
though i feel very sad i've been
neglecting my beloved blog,
i don't miss posting that much.
i've been very busy rehearsing.
most of my time is spent in Studio 7,
at Aunty Ann's house, on my bed
or in front of my laptop.
no, currently i have no social life.
i thank my low self-restraint and my dad for that.
also my lack stealthiness.
Flashback:
about a week ago
Aze and Sacha came over to celebrate
sacha's Sweet sixteen.
it was nice finally being a trio again.
since aze was transferred to that other school,
we hadn't had much time to catch up.
that has so far been my highlight of the month.
its worthy though. =)
Nicky's Birthday is tomorrow.
i haven't gotten him a gift
since i basically am very very very broke.
i have to survive on less than rm30
till the end of november. thats how bad it is.
anyhoos, we're having this BBQ party
so its going to be kinda big i think.
i'm not gonna invite anyone since Joey can't make it.
i dont look forward to it
though i pretend to infront of others.
i haven't confided much in joey either.
my thoughts have been just all over the place.
which is why i've seemed jolly recently.
i'd rather people think i'm happy
than ask me whats wrong.
its just one of those feelings that you dont
feel like sharing the details with anyone else.
like a cancer you hide until you're sure that its terminal.
i guess its because pretending is so much easier than
admitting to the world (and to yourself) what's really going on.
at the same time, i am not.
though i feel very sad i've been
neglecting my beloved blog,
i don't miss posting that much.
i've been very busy rehearsing.
most of my time is spent in Studio 7,
at Aunty Ann's house, on my bed
or in front of my laptop.
no, currently i have no social life.
i thank my low self-restraint and my dad for that.
also my lack stealthiness.
Flashback:
about a week ago
Aze and Sacha came over to celebrate
sacha's Sweet sixteen.
it was nice finally being a trio again.
since aze was transferred to that other school,
we hadn't had much time to catch up.
that has so far been my highlight of the month.
its worthy though. =)
Nicky's Birthday is tomorrow.
i haven't gotten him a gift
since i basically am very very very broke.
i have to survive on less than rm30
till the end of november. thats how bad it is.
anyhoos, we're having this BBQ party
so its going to be kinda big i think.
i'm not gonna invite anyone since Joey can't make it.
i dont look forward to it
though i pretend to infront of others.
i haven't confided much in joey either.
my thoughts have been just all over the place.
which is why i've seemed jolly recently.
i'd rather people think i'm happy
than ask me whats wrong.
its just one of those feelings that you dont
feel like sharing the details with anyone else.
like a cancer you hide until you're sure that its terminal.
i guess its because pretending is so much easier than
admitting to the world (and to yourself) what's really going on.
Thursday, October 23, 2008
she may not be here.
Yes. I failed again, no doubt about it.
I don't understand why I learn Additional Mathematics. It's not like I'm ever going to remember differentiation, logarithms and quadratic formulas once I'm out of school. Heck, I'll probably BURN all my exercise books and notebooks once I leave.
What's the point in me learning all this when I'm not really learning anything. I just don't see understand it because I'm never going to use any of these formulas in the real world.
Whoever created add math, made it for teens to suffer.
Other exams went swiftly, Bahasa Malaysia was tricky. English was a job completed with one hand tied behind my back. A cause for many grammatical errors, I'm sure. Doesn't mean an A1 is out of reach.
Oh I watched Kisah Gadis at KLPac. Tapai's acting was so good, and it cracked me up! I always marvel at comedies, because for me myself personally, I think that comedy is a very hard topic to write about. But thats just me. I lack the humor gene.
The highlight of the show - Tapai broke a plank of wood. I quite liked that plank of wood. Before they broke it into pieces that is.
May go to watch it again this weekend. Jun Yee needs company =)
On an emo note, I would like to add that personal inner conflicts have managed to distract me from my OMG hype and exams. Sometimes, I wished I could be invisible to certain people. And at the same time, I wished a handful of other people would notice me more. Or to just disappear altogether.
*Maths exam tomorrow, then its a holiday till next Thursday. I can hear Hallelujah playing in the background.
I don't understand why I learn Additional Mathematics. It's not like I'm ever going to remember differentiation, logarithms and quadratic formulas once I'm out of school. Heck, I'll probably BURN all my exercise books and notebooks once I leave.
What's the point in me learning all this when I'm not really learning anything. I just don't see understand it because I'm never going to use any of these formulas in the real world.
Whoever created add math, made it for teens to suffer.
Other exams went swiftly, Bahasa Malaysia was tricky. English was a job completed with one hand tied behind my back. A cause for many grammatical errors, I'm sure. Doesn't mean an A1 is out of reach.
Oh I watched Kisah Gadis at KLPac. Tapai's acting was so good, and it cracked me up! I always marvel at comedies, because for me myself personally, I think that comedy is a very hard topic to write about. But thats just me. I lack the humor gene.
The highlight of the show - Tapai broke a plank of wood. I quite liked that plank of wood. Before they broke it into pieces that is.
May go to watch it again this weekend. Jun Yee needs company =)
On an emo note, I would like to add that personal inner conflicts have managed to distract me from my OMG hype and exams. Sometimes, I wished I could be invisible to certain people. And at the same time, I wished a handful of other people would notice me more. Or to just disappear altogether.
*Maths exam tomorrow, then its a holiday till next Thursday. I can hear Hallelujah playing in the background.
Friday, October 17, 2008
Biolo. . . . .GEE!
First day of exams. One of the reasons it was weird was because my biology paper went way smoother than my physics paper. Its usually the other way around. And no, its not because I 'studied harder for bio' this time. But seriously. . . . . . . . .bio was so effing easy!!
I'm not complaining (maybe I am?) but it got a little frustrating. My bio teacher, Miss Shaza gave us tips on what may come out, and it came out like bulat-bulat! For section A, which holds about two-thirds the mark for the whole paper3, about 5 of the questions had the same answer. I swear, I felt it was such a waste of time. I was writing almost the same explanation again and again and again!
Okay, so maybe I won't get full marks because of two or three questions, but it was still real easy. And for a person who studied only 45 minutes before the exam to say that, you can tell how low the degree of difficulty was. Miss Shaza should have challenged us a teeny weeny bit with an extra experiment in the section A at least. Because the essay section was even easier.
Now then, for physics. I think the essay (section B) was surprisingly easier than section A. Then again, I can't really remember the section A questions right now. I remember something about real and apparent depth I think. But the rest is blank.
Anyhoo, considering the circumstances, I think I did OK. Too bad no one else will see it that way. lol.
Oh and I have to declare something I'm VERY proud of:
I actually completed my Chemistry PEKA!!! Yes!!! Sure I stayed back an hour to copy the right answers, but heck, I still completed it. Now, if only I was diligent enough to do the same for my physics and bio PEKAs. . .
*OMG update - My part in the script still hasn't been written. But it's OK, in the mean time, I can learn so much from Suki. Oh she's so amazing. I regret not catching her in Sybil. And of course Mark, Tapai, Xavier, Farah and Nita are being great help too. Nita bought capati for me yesterday tau! lol
thats how much of a family we really are =)
I'm not complaining (maybe I am?) but it got a little frustrating. My bio teacher, Miss Shaza gave us tips on what may come out, and it came out like bulat-bulat! For section A, which holds about two-thirds the mark for the whole paper3, about 5 of the questions had the same answer. I swear, I felt it was such a waste of time. I was writing almost the same explanation again and again and again!
Okay, so maybe I won't get full marks because of two or three questions, but it was still real easy. And for a person who studied only 45 minutes before the exam to say that, you can tell how low the degree of difficulty was. Miss Shaza should have challenged us a teeny weeny bit with an extra experiment in the section A at least. Because the essay section was even easier.
Now then, for physics. I think the essay (section B) was surprisingly easier than section A. Then again, I can't really remember the section A questions right now. I remember something about real and apparent depth I think. But the rest is blank.
Anyhoo, considering the circumstances, I think I did OK. Too bad no one else will see it that way. lol.
Oh and I have to declare something I'm VERY proud of:
I actually completed my Chemistry PEKA!!! Yes!!! Sure I stayed back an hour to copy the right answers, but heck, I still completed it. Now, if only I was diligent enough to do the same for my physics and bio PEKAs. . .
*OMG update - My part in the script still hasn't been written. But it's OK, in the mean time, I can learn so much from Suki. Oh she's so amazing. I regret not catching her in Sybil. And of course Mark, Tapai, Xavier, Farah and Nita are being great help too. Nita bought capati for me yesterday tau! lol
thats how much of a family we really are =)
Saturday, October 11, 2008
OMG
Yeah, that's the title, don't wear it out.
Isn't it such a coincidence that the title of the play I'm in is in fact one of my favorite lines ever?
If you ever met me, you would know I use the line 'oh my God' on a regular basis, except on school days, for school is a very dull place. I only remember one recent omg situation in school:
they found a snake in the sports store room and it almost bit a teacher.
And I saw it all close up!! It was like, omg...
Anyways, back to my debut performance. OMG will be showing somewhere in December at KLPac. And I still haven't written my bio for it yet. Well, I have, i just haven't mailed it to my director yet, even though Johann has proofread it for errors and what not... I think I'll probably send my bio in right after I cover this post.
I have been a bit worried about my rehearsal schedules though. Monday, 4.00 pm then Thursday, 4.00 pm and Saturday, 11.00 am. This Thursday is a bit stressing because after our official rehearsal ends at 8, we've got to stay back for a course till about 9.30.
Oh I don't really mind staying for 5hours plus, but I have exams the next day. And yes, my beloved school has decided that the Physics and Biology paper 3 exams will kick off the timetable.
Hopefully I can still scrape through the exams, giving my dad no reason to stop my KLPac trips and all. I'm already partially grounded, so I better do well in these finals if I still want what's left of my freedom.
*I've already bought a birthday present for Tarrant. It's in wrapping that costs more than the present itself! And no, I did not buy him a gift from Petaling Street ok. Think more along the lines of KLCC. He better appreciate it.
Isn't it such a coincidence that the title of the play I'm in is in fact one of my favorite lines ever?
If you ever met me, you would know I use the line 'oh my God' on a regular basis, except on school days, for school is a very dull place. I only remember one recent omg situation in school:
they found a snake in the sports store room and it almost bit a teacher.
And I saw it all close up!! It was like, omg...
Anyways, back to my debut performance. OMG will be showing somewhere in December at KLPac. And I still haven't written my bio for it yet. Well, I have, i just haven't mailed it to my director yet, even though Johann has proofread it for errors and what not... I think I'll probably send my bio in right after I cover this post.
I have been a bit worried about my rehearsal schedules though. Monday, 4.00 pm then Thursday, 4.00 pm and Saturday, 11.00 am. This Thursday is a bit stressing because after our official rehearsal ends at 8, we've got to stay back for a course till about 9.30.
Oh I don't really mind staying for 5hours plus, but I have exams the next day. And yes, my beloved school has decided that the Physics and Biology paper 3 exams will kick off the timetable.
Hopefully I can still scrape through the exams, giving my dad no reason to stop my KLPac trips and all. I'm already partially grounded, so I better do well in these finals if I still want what's left of my freedom.
*I've already bought a birthday present for Tarrant. It's in wrapping that costs more than the present itself! And no, I did not buy him a gift from Petaling Street ok. Think more along the lines of KLCC. He better appreciate it.
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
i forgot
oh one more thing that ticks me off:
those people who write backstabbers under their
"who i want to meet" section in their social network profiles.
like what the hell?
does ANYONE want to meet a backstabber?
use those noodle like things in your head please.
or if you haven't upgraded to those yet,
give the hamster an exercise on that treadmill up there will you.
those people who write backstabbers under their
"who i want to meet" section in their social network profiles.
like what the hell?
does ANYONE want to meet a backstabber?
use those noodle like things in your head please.
or if you haven't upgraded to those yet,
give the hamster an exercise on that treadmill up there will you.
Pet Peeves
its time for me to complain and let off some steam.
needless to say, i have not been in the best of moods
eventhough i have plenty reasons to rejoice.
here's a list of 20 things that have ticked me off recently.
bon appetite.
i could go on and elaborate in detail on my frustrating experiences but i'm unwell which is kind of making my brain function a little slower. my brain has been malfunctioning all day long.
let's hope that it will be restored to its full potential as soon as possible. promise to update and write a better entry once i'm back to my normal self. toodles.
FYI: i've got an audition like interview to attend on Thursday at KLPac. pray for the best!
needless to say, i have not been in the best of moods
eventhough i have plenty reasons to rejoice.
here's a list of 20 things that have ticked me off recently.
bon appetite.
- the weather.
- the excuses people make instead of just saying they don't really give a hoot.
- the game that took away my flying ability.
- due experiment reports.
- whiny stepsisters.
- people who insist on throwing their rubbish out the car window.
- long-winded answers.
- body heat (not the good kind). the kind that makes you feel as if your eyes are on fire.
- the retardedness of people who don't dare throw their shoe boxes into the big dumpster because "it's stinky".
- people who use a faulty public phone and walk away without bothering to tell the person queuing behind them that it's out of order.
- the flu. the cold. the headaches.
- people who say "my homies"
- sympathy when it's completely unwarranted.
- teachers who pretend like they really read your essay and have the audacity to comment about it.
- the school's nasi lemak.
- the school's fried chicken.
- the school rule that i'm not allowed to wear a sweater (even on a freezing day like this one) unless i'm really ill.
- stupid poems that you find in revision books.
- survey answers that don't make any sense.
- people who pretend to be self-important to get rid of guilt.
i could go on and elaborate in detail on my frustrating experiences but i'm unwell which is kind of making my brain function a little slower. my brain has been malfunctioning all day long.
let's hope that it will be restored to its full potential as soon as possible. promise to update and write a better entry once i'm back to my normal self. toodles.
FYI: i've got an audition like interview to attend on Thursday at KLPac. pray for the best!
Sunday, October 5, 2008
End Of Raya Holidays
well my one week freedom on the internet is about to come to an end. starting tomorrow, there will be energy to recharge and homework to do. but of course my homework always ends up in a pile by my dressing table.
my point is, my free reign over the laptop shall be controlled to probably about 2hours a day since finals are coming up and i haven't started revising. i usually get away with the last minute studying but maybe i won't be so lucky this time. either way, i'll be disappointed with my results, whether they turn up A's or E's.
oh funny thing i heard today. i've been regretting not going to Aunt Fatimah's house and indulging in all the delicious food she undoubtedly prepared for her swarm of Raya visitors. i found out from my cousin however that this time instead of going home completely sated, he went home with a very bad case of food poisoning. lol
one of the first times i'm glad i missed Aunt Fatimah's killer rendang.
anyway, off to bed now.
wouldn't want to wake up late tomorrow now would we. . . .
my point is, my free reign over the laptop shall be controlled to probably about 2hours a day since finals are coming up and i haven't started revising. i usually get away with the last minute studying but maybe i won't be so lucky this time. either way, i'll be disappointed with my results, whether they turn up A's or E's.
oh funny thing i heard today. i've been regretting not going to Aunt Fatimah's house and indulging in all the delicious food she undoubtedly prepared for her swarm of Raya visitors. i found out from my cousin however that this time instead of going home completely sated, he went home with a very bad case of food poisoning. lol
one of the first times i'm glad i missed Aunt Fatimah's killer rendang.
anyway, off to bed now.
wouldn't want to wake up late tomorrow now would we. . . .
Saturday, October 4, 2008
Why I Don't Celebrate Mothers Day
The words sounded hollow, stripped of meaning and sincerity. The usual compassion and joy commonly associated with those words were absent as they left my lips. Usually, when someone says those words to a family member they have not seen in months, they feel relief and a sense of longing. But for me, saying those words left me feeling awkward and hurt. It was not what I had expected it to be like. She said “I love you too”, and hung up.
For six whole years I had struggled to come to terms with my mom’s betrayal, her departure. She had left home when my younger brother Kenny was barely 3 years old, leaving my dad to take care of me, Kenny and my then 14year old brother Nick. Even worse, she had left not only taking away my dad’s heart, but also his pride; she had left to start a new life with a man she had met while dad was working in the US. The months after she had left had been very hard on my dad. I remember my aunt and uncle playing a very vital role in taking care of all us during those times.
Consequently, my dad disapproved of her meeting up with my brothers and me. Yet for the first two years, she had made regular visits to see us. But after that, the only contact we had with her was when she brought us birthday or Christmas gifts, and when she called up to talk to us. Nick and I would make conversations with her very brief, while my younger brother would be more optimistic. Always she would ask me about my health, my school; the sorts of things mothers ask their daughters. I tried always to talk to her as if nothing had happened, almost make-believing that she had never left us, but simply worked far away. However, I always ended up giving her one word answers and awkward pauses.
Recent experiences had led me to believe that there was a way to completely forgive her; all it required from me was an open mind and will to forgive. I tried my best to ignore the scars I felt etched in my memory and replace them with the good things she’d done and all the sacrifices she had made for us. But always the negatives seemed to weigh more than the positives. When I think back, she was very little of a mother to me or my brothers. While my dad was still overseas, the three of us had been left at home to take care amongst ourselves while she rendezvoused with her ‘buddy’. Nicky and I would have to take turns skipping school to take care of Kenny during those periods when she wouldn’t be home for days.
I thought that returning her ‘I love you’ today would prove to me that I do in fact still love my mother, no matter what my common sense screamed at me. But all it had done was make this world seem like an even darker place. I know that she does love me and my siblings and for that I am grateful. I wish there was a way for me to return that feeling. If there’s one lesson that I’ve learned from this phone call it is that there’s more to saying “I love you” than just wanting to mean it.
For six whole years I had struggled to come to terms with my mom’s betrayal, her departure. She had left home when my younger brother Kenny was barely 3 years old, leaving my dad to take care of me, Kenny and my then 14year old brother Nick. Even worse, she had left not only taking away my dad’s heart, but also his pride; she had left to start a new life with a man she had met while dad was working in the US. The months after she had left had been very hard on my dad. I remember my aunt and uncle playing a very vital role in taking care of all us during those times.
Consequently, my dad disapproved of her meeting up with my brothers and me. Yet for the first two years, she had made regular visits to see us. But after that, the only contact we had with her was when she brought us birthday or Christmas gifts, and when she called up to talk to us. Nick and I would make conversations with her very brief, while my younger brother would be more optimistic. Always she would ask me about my health, my school; the sorts of things mothers ask their daughters. I tried always to talk to her as if nothing had happened, almost make-believing that she had never left us, but simply worked far away. However, I always ended up giving her one word answers and awkward pauses.
Recent experiences had led me to believe that there was a way to completely forgive her; all it required from me was an open mind and will to forgive. I tried my best to ignore the scars I felt etched in my memory and replace them with the good things she’d done and all the sacrifices she had made for us. But always the negatives seemed to weigh more than the positives. When I think back, she was very little of a mother to me or my brothers. While my dad was still overseas, the three of us had been left at home to take care amongst ourselves while she rendezvoused with her ‘buddy’. Nicky and I would have to take turns skipping school to take care of Kenny during those periods when she wouldn’t be home for days.
I thought that returning her ‘I love you’ today would prove to me that I do in fact still love my mother, no matter what my common sense screamed at me. But all it had done was make this world seem like an even darker place. I know that she does love me and my siblings and for that I am grateful. I wish there was a way for me to return that feeling. If there’s one lesson that I’ve learned from this phone call it is that there’s more to saying “I love you” than just wanting to mean it.
The Invasion
yes after haunting many of the popular online social networks, i have made my way to the world of blogging, somewhat halfheartedly.
now why am i blogging in the first place? well, Joey wanted someone to join blogspot with her. she said she wouldn't create a blog if i didn't do so as well. so, burdened with my position as best friend i just had to comply. yes, friendship can be a real pain sometimes. i curse Tarrant for influencing me. Him and his willingness to help everyone.
anyway, I'm off to alert my alien friends of my blogspot invasion.
do check in whenever u feel the urge to read complete nonsense.
toodles.
now why am i blogging in the first place? well, Joey wanted someone to join blogspot with her. she said she wouldn't create a blog if i didn't do so as well. so, burdened with my position as best friend i just had to comply. yes, friendship can be a real pain sometimes. i curse Tarrant for influencing me. Him and his willingness to help everyone.
anyway, I'm off to alert my alien friends of my blogspot invasion.
do check in whenever u feel the urge to read complete nonsense.
toodles.
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