Insomnia or something sinister.

I just can’t go to sleep. Finally got all my slides for Tuesday done and ready but now I just can’t sleep. Too much buzzing in my head. And it’s such a humid night. And my heart just isn’t in it.

Anyway, I was on tumblr and I’m not super freaked out about the 4chan scare. I’ll be pretty damned sad if tumblr goes down, but meh; I’ve lost worse things than just a blog. Like my sanity and sense of judgment D:

It is hitting me that the gap reaaaaally is closing and pretty soon I guess I’ll have to move on. Not give up; I’ve said that I won’t. But I should prepare to put this on the backburner, just in case. I’m bracing myself for it because I’m thinking it shouldn’t be too long from now. If you’re happy just the way things are, I guess I shouldn’t push my luck. I cherish you too much as a friend to let my heart get in the way of this and screw things up.

I’ve been treading so carefully with you. I usually have this “Fuck All” attitude when it comes to relationships, like a let’s try things out and clear up the shit later. The thought I’ve put behind everything I’ve done thus far stuns me sometimes. I’ve changed a lot and it’s a good thing; I kind of like this reasonable Belinda.

And it’s just proving to me again and again that having you around has done wonders for me. Really. I wouldn’t be this person I am now if things happened differently and if I’d never met you. Like I’ve said so many times before, you make me want to be all I can be. I’m striving towards that for both of us because we feed off each other sometimes yes?

It’s funny because there are times when it feels like it’s just right, you know? Chemistry and all that mumbo jumbo? Maybe it’s just friendship. I guess it probably is just that. The good friend zone. I always find myself in this zone for some reason.

Maybe I’ve been reading in too much into all these signs. I guess, whatever it is, I’ll just have to roll with it and try to find a solution that is good for me and for you.

Great, now it’s gonna take me another half hour before I fall asleep. How do I go to bed when I’ve got thoughts like this? These thoughts I have of you usually keep me up anyway, but tonight it’s going to be worse than usual I’m guessing.

Ah, such dilemmas. I wish you were here, because you comfort me and boy do I need a hug right now.