Get this off your chest.

Gaaah. I feel super sucky.

Have you ever had that sudden realisation that you've been taking too much for granted and you've not been doing enough? Yeah. I feel like that. With my friends (Or the very few people who tolerate me).

I don’t know. I think I've been selfish. And I don't think I've done as much for them as they've done for me. Especially this year. Like, I think I've been trying to juggle everything and it's all come toppling down now with Joyee, Azelia, the girls at college, everyone.

It's just hitting me now that because I've been having to do a lot of discovering and adapting this year, I think I haven’t done anything for them. As in even just really listening to their problems. Or just being there you know.

I feel quite disgusted with my lifestyle.

I just don’t think I’m taking any interest in what’s happening in their lives. No, wait, no, that’s not what I meant. It’s more like I don’t think I’ve been actively and completely there for them. I’m interested of course, I mean, jeez I care for these people. I guess I just haven’t been making the extra effort to be there with them through stuff.

I mean, everyone is growing up and each of them is going through this transformation, just like me. Transitioning from one period of their life to the other and things are constantly happening and I feel now like I’m missing out on all of it. And that fucking kills me because I realise that they’ve helped me deal with my shit and all through that, they had things to sort out too and here I am not reciprocating.

Fuck. Fuck. I really feel like most self-centered person ever.

Oh my God I never thought I was so out of it. This is what you get for trying to do everything; you end up giving 20% to the people who’ve stuck with you instead of your hundred. And then you’re gonna realise at the end of it that you don’t have anyone to go to because while you were busy using your balance 80% on everything else, your friends found that they don’t really need you anymore because it was all ‘take’ on your part.

I am going to change my ways. The world does not revolve around me and my friends deserve a hell of a lot more than I’ve been giving them.