You see. You try to hold it in. Because everyone is having such a good time. You fake that voice, you fake those words and you swallow those hits as best as you can. They’re having a good time and despite you knowing its at your expense, you bear with it because you think they’ll have the decency to cut it off soon. And it’s not like you haven’t told them how insecure you are when it comes to these things.
You grit your teeth and you wait and they are still saying the same old things. You can only take so much for the fucking team before you realise you don’t want to be here and that the conversation just isn’t fun anymore. You wait for someone to back you up. No one does, so you suppress everything, thinking you’ll be able to keep it in and last the night.
Then you realise you cannot swallow those insults anymore and everything just tumbles out. You start getting mad. As soon as that first word of defiance hits the air, you just explode. Word after word. And after all that anger, you’re left with nothing but that feeling of helplessness you are oh so accustomed to.
Fuck it all. If you don’t start pulling away, you’d be a fool.
Perhaps this is payback.
No comments:
Post a Comment