Look, I know you’re scared. To be honest, I’m fucking terrified okay. I shouldn’t be but I am. I’m imagining the worst of things and I really don’t know what I’d do if my fears were confirmed. I mean, I’m so afraid that one day, this perfect little world I’ve created will just disappear and then I’ll be left with nothing more than a bad rep and some very cold shoulders. What the fuck do I do then?
I’m hoping for the best and I really am trying my best to stay calm and be strong. We can’t just give in because the circumstances give us hell. The fact is that keeping up this act of composure is slowly but surely eating away at my peace of mind. I find myself often drained at the end of the day and it’s not just fatigue. It’s this weird kind of hollow feeling which then morphs into this feeling of hopelessness and confusion, as is being displayed here.
I want to do so much, but at the same time, I know it’s just not possible in my current position. What I want to accomplish is something so simple and yet its still out fo my reach. And that is what sucks the most because all I’m trying to do is make you happy.
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