Sometimes, I have to force myself to pretend that things are okay when actually they’re not. I put on a brave face, fake a smile and pretend to be happy with what we have/don’t have when deep down it’s eating me up inside. If you’d paid a bit more attention, maybe you’d have realised by now that this is wrecking me from within. I just don’t know how to face you anymore. You try to make things easy but all you do is give me false hope. I’m tired of going back and forth and back and forth with you. Every time we speak my emotions just go crazy and by the end of it, I don’t know what to feel for you. If pining for you is wrong, if ignoring you feels unfair, if hoping for you is naive, then there is really nothing at all that I can do. I’ve tried my best to just be your friend but it’s not working. I mean, seriously, something’s gotta give. I cannot continue to be cajoled like this. We need to come to a conclusion. We either work things out or, you leave me be for awhile until I am finally rid of all these conflicting feelings i have for you. You disgust and amaze me at the same time and it doesn’t make any fucking sense. I have no valid reason to be so taken by you and that’s what annoys me the most. I just don’t know why I want you so much.
*tag: fictional imaginary circumstance rant.
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