Perhaps…?

Loving you is the best thing that has ever happened to me even if we are not together.

Jeez, that sounds very beautiful + emo + corny + a lot of things. I’m adjusting to the idea that things will remain where they are now. I guess, I shouldn’t see this as taking second place. It’s just the cold hard fact that I’m suited better where I am now rather than at where I want to be.

Its not all bad. I mean, I’m free now to do what I want. Technically, I’m self-sufficient now. Or should be, in this particular area. And I can now look forward to more mingling and taking risks and what not.

What’s gonna happen a few months from now. Aha, that’s the real problem. As well as I am coping now, I might just crack when this is all completely yanked away from me. I’ve been finding for some comfort and it’s already been a struggle. How will I fare when I have to build everything again from scratch?

I want to believe in my own strength but I’m really not sure if that’s a good idea. My own strength is not enough. No, I’m not talking about or insinuating that I need help from a higher power. I just think I might need a lot of help to let all this just pass me by.

It’s times like this when I wish I could lean on someone else for support. Like, the kind of support that you usually feed me. But if you’re the bloody problem, you obviously can’t be the person I go to for help. SO WHERE DOES THAT LEAVE ME NOW?

What I really need is for you to tell me that everything is gonna be okay.

If you only knew how hard writing this post has been, feigning this act of being held together. I am so messed up over this. And you continue to make my masquerade look even more and more like a fucking joke.